The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

by Rachel Wilkerson Miller

A Deep–Shallow Companion Regardless of how many friends researchers say you need or how many you currently have, my theory is that everyone needs one individual to fill the role of what I call your deep–shallow companion. This is the person who is willing to listen to you talk about the most humdrum shit about your day (aka your deep–shallow topics), pretty much every day (and then shares theirs in turn). They let you go on about the traffic you sat in, the errands you ran, the minutiae of your to-do list, or everything Sweetgreen did right or wrong with regard to your salad order. (My experiences with the Sweetgreen app are the epitome of deep–shallow talk.) Deep–shallow stories are both too boring and too complicated for most audiences. It’s not real drama but a five-act Shakespearean play, and it all took place in the self-checkout line at Target. Deep–shallow is the height of intimacy demonstrated through extremely not-intimate conversational topics. It’s a bond and love that is so deeply rooted it can withstand this particular type of shallow conversation. Of course, most relationships include the occasional deep–shallow talk; sometimes, the first coworker pal you see when you walk into the office is gonna hear your terrible commute story, whether they like it or not. But your deep–shallow person is the one who you talk like this with daily. It’s a role often filled by a parent, sibling, or romantic partner because it requires so much love. My suspicion is that a lot ...