The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

by Rachel Wilkerson Miller

The Myth of the Best Friend From Broad City to Bill & Ted to The Baby-Sitters Club, there’s a well-established cultural narrative about what a best friend looks like. They are wise and funny, honest but always kind. They have known you since you were five years old and you talk every day. They do tequila shots with you after you get dumped and give a perfect toast at your wedding. They know all your secrets and also your mom. They are somehow always around when you are trying on clothes. They are one of the most important people in your life, and they always have your back. If you don’t have the Hollywood version of a BFF, it’s easy to think there’s something wrong with you—that no one likes you, that you’re not capable of making close friends or maintaining friendships, that you’re all alone in this world. I subscribe to the Mindy Kaling sentiment that “a best friend isn’t a person; it’s a tier.” Throughout my adult life, I’ve had (and have!) multiple best friends. Still, I’m not immune to the idea that I should have a singular best friend who also considers me their best friend. That idea is pervasive, and the pressure is real. But I’m beginning to realize that this best friend is, for a lot of people, a myth. Like, a best friend? In this economy??? I’m only sort of kidding. The world is changing in ways that make it incredibly hard to make or maintain a traditional best friendship. When you’re moving every few years or #hustling nonstop just to stay afloat, it’s difficu...