The balance between willing and unwilling can be delicate, but distinguishing the two is imperative. “I’m not horny, but I’m glad to have sex to feel closer to my partner” and “I’m not horny, but I said yes so you’d stop pressuring me” both have elements of being consensual but unwanted. Neither is a perfect yes or a perfect no. Nagoski’s model marks them differently, making room for the exceedingly common experience of maintenance sex, or sex for the sake of a relationship.
