The Office of Historical Corrections

by Danielle Evans

A year and a half ago, her mother had gone to the hospital with what the intake doctor called textbook appendicitis symptoms and died of cancer eleven months later. Because hospice was for people who intended to die, and Lyssa’s mother didn’t, she had refused to go. She died in the regular hospital, admitted through the ER, which meant even though she’d been remanded to the comfort care team, the doctor on rounds was officially required to come in once a day and report to Lyssa that her mother was still dying.

She could not imagine choosing the way her mother died, given a choice. But her mother had chosen it, had chosen, with her little bit of time left, every painful intervention, every last-chance effort, every surgical and injected and intravenous possibility of survival over comfort. When her mother asked and Lyssa said this is not what I would do if it were me, sometimes she meant you are brave, and sometimes she meant you are reckless and foolish, and sometimes she meant I can’t imagine what would be worth trying this hard to live for.

I had the strange experience of hearing myself say something I knew to be true only once I’d heard it come out of my own mouth.