Dear Emmie Blue

by Lia Louis

Maybe home isn’t a place. It’s a feeling. Of being looked after and understood. Of being loved.

“Do you know why I like storms?” says Louise as my fingers reach for the switch. “They’re a little reminder that we’re not at all in charge, but Mother Nature is. And while the world might not look exactly how we’d prefer it to, it is enough, if we just stop and look. The whole sky lit up. The smell of the rain. Safe inside. What more could you need?”

Order. I need order in my life. Rosie’s right. The wallowing cycle is up. It’s time to find out who I am. Without Balloon Boy. Without the fear Robert Morgan planted within me, like an arrow I couldn’t pull out, the night of the Summer Ball. Who am I, without the fear of that one night? Without Eliot. Without the need for anyone to complete me. Mum. Marv. A partner. Children. Eliot told me once I was enough, without all of that. And like the constellations and stars and obscure music facts, he is right. I am enough.