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“Every moment of the day I think of the things I want to do with you, catch myself remembering your taste, your smell. Sometimes I think I’ll go insane if I don’t bury myself in you.”
I cautiously moved closer and rested my head on his chest. He tensed and I braced myself for his rejection. My own body stiffened in anticipation of the rebuke, but it never came. He relaxed, wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and I finally dared to snuggle closer against him. I drew in a deep breath, savoring his warm scent that was becoming increasingly familiar; it was mixed with the musky aroma of sex. My hand came up to his stomach and I stroked him lightly. Was it the dark that made him more approachable? That made him forget who he was, who he was bound to be?
Tonight I wasn’t even bothered by the fact that he never wanted to look at my face.
The next day my gynecologist confirmed my pregnancy and that I was seven weeks along.
“You’re so busy honoring her memory and protecting the image of her you have in your mind that you don’t realize how badly you’re treating me. You lost your first wife through no fault of your own, but you will be losing me because you can’t let go of her.”
“I’ll move into the guest bedroom. There isn’t enough room in our bedroom for me and the memories of your past. If you ever decide you want to give this marriage a chance, then you can come to me and apologize for what you said. Until then, I’m done with us.”
“You know what’s strange?” I whispered thickly. “At one point, I thought I could never love someone as I loved Antonio, no matter how unrequited that love was. And today I’m condemning him to his death for another man who will never love me back.”
“Please,” I said quietly. “Make love to me. Just today. I know you don’t love me. Pretend, just for tonight. Hold me in your arms for once.”
I knew many women in our world preferred a beautiful lie to the harsh truth any day, and for the first time, I understood. After all that had happened today, I allowed myself that weakness. Tomorrow would be the time to face reality.
This was the second man I’d condemned to death. This time, however, I felt no guilt.
