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I’d been naïve, hadn’t realized what it would really mean to marry a man who wasn’t interested in me, or women in general.
I’d thought he could decide not to be gay anymore, I’d thought we could have a real marriage at some point, but that hope was quickly shattered.
It had been way before our marriage, and yet the knowledge that Dante had slept with prostitutes, but hadn’t even tried to kiss me, hurt a lot.
“So he has no problem sleeping with other women, he just doesn’t want to sleep with me.”
I watched his back as he walked away and headed down the stairs. Wrapping my arms around myself, I closed my eyes. I didn’t like to give up on things. I was stubborn—too stubborn, as my mother always pointed out—but I seriously considered accepting that the marriage between Dante and me wouldn’t work. There was only so much rejection I could take.
in. “So you didn’t mind the company of prostitutes, but you can’t take your own wife’s virginity?” That got his attention,
“So,” he said in a curious tone. “If I were to take you toward our bed right now—” He took a step, forcing me closer to the huge four-poster bed. “—and make you mine, I wouldn’t find out that you lied to me just now.”
“Why is it such a surprising thought that Antonio didn’t want me? Maybe he didn’t find me attractive. You obviously don’t, or you wouldn’t spend most evenings in your office and your nights with your back to me. We both know that if you wanted me, if you found me desirable at all, I’d have lost my virginity on our wedding night.”
“But you wouldn’t have to force me. You are my husband and I want to be with you.” Heat flooded my cheeks. “I’ve practically thrown myself at you for days now, and you didn’t even notice my body. If you found me attractive, you would have showed some kind of reaction. I guess I’m just lucky to always end up with husbands who find me repulsive.” “You aren’t repulsive to me,” he said firmly. “Trust me, I find you attractive.”
“I do. Do not doubt my words. Whenever I catch a glimpse of the creamy white skin of your thighs…” He traced my thigh through the high slit of my nightgown. I had to stifle a surprised gasp at his sudden proximity. Goose bumps erupted all over my body. “Or when I see the outline of your breasts through the little nothings you wear to bed…” He ran his finger gently over the lacy edge of my nightgown, right above my breasts. “I want to throw you onto our bed and bury myself in you.” He dropped his hand, back to not touching me again.
He dipped his fingers between my lower lips and his breathing deepened. “You want this?” “Yes,” I hissed, rubbing myself shamelessly against his hand, but his other arm came around my waist and held me fast. “I want you, Dante.” “Tell me what I want to know.”
You slept with prostitutes, so why can’t you sleep with me?” “Because I was angry and I wanted to fuck someone. I wanted it rough and hard. I wasn’t looking for closeness or tenderness or whatever it is you want. I took whatever pleasure I wanted, and then I left. What you’re looking for, I can’t give you. The part that was capable of it died with my wife, and it won’t come back.” “You don’t know what I want. Maybe we want the same thing.” My voice was a bare whisper.
“I can see in your eyes that’s not true. You want to make love, but I can’t give you that. I do want to possess you, want to own every part of you, but not for the reasons you want me to. I’m a heartless bastard, Valentina. Don’t try to see anything else in me. The business suit and emotionless face is the thin layer covering up the fucking abyss that’s my soul and heart. Don’t try to glimpse beneath it—you won’t like what you find.”
“I have needs too. Would you prefer if I found a lover who relieved you of the burden to touch me?” I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. No, I knew I couldn’t go through with it, but this act of provocation was my last option. If Dante didn’t react to this, then I didn’t know what else to do.
“No,” he said sharply, something angry and possessive breaking through his perfect mask. He pressed his lips together, jaw locked, and walked toward me. I shivered with need and excitement when he stopped in front of me.
I couldn’t take this anymore. I’d thrown myself at him naked, had offered him my body and myself, and still he refused me. I wrenched away from him, feeling dirty and cheap. Avoiding his eyes, I whirled around, clutched my bathrobe closed and hurried out of his office. I crossed the lobby and ran up the stairs. This was it. I wouldn’t try again. I’d have to accept that Dante didn’t desire me enough, that he wouldn’t sleep with me until it was absolutely necessary to produce an heir.
“I have some more work to do and I need to visit another of our casinos. I’ll be home late. You don’t need to wait up for me.” I nodded, couldn’t have said a word if I’d tried.
Now that Dante had given in once, I was sure he would have a much harder time holding himself back. And I was determined to make it as hard as possible for him. I’d gotten my first real taste of pleasure; from now on I wanted to experience it over and over again.
“If you had a secret you needed to hide, I would keep it for you. I would try to brave torture, pain and death to hide it for you.”
“Tell me you’re not sore,” he rumbled against my shoulder before he bit down lightly. I trembled. “Not sore,” was all I managed, and it wasn’t even the truth, but I’d be damned if I stopped Dante from having his way with me. “Good,” Dante growled before licking my throat. “Tell me to stop, or I won’t.”
“There is no good on earth; and sin is but a name. Come, devil. For to thee is this world given,”
“I don’t know why you even care. You don’t seem to be interested in me outside of the bedroom, and even that was initiated by me, as you pointed out so helpfully. Right now, I think if you ever caught me in bed with Matteo, you’d probably give me one of your cold looks and then go back to work.”
“I’d go back to work, yes,” he said with a predatory smile. “After gutting Matteo and watching him bleed to death.”
His mouth found my ear. “I know you’re ignoring me, but you should learn to control your body if you want to succeed in doing so.”
“Every moment of the day I think of the things I want to do with you, catch myself remembering your taste, your smell. Sometimes I think I’ll go insane if I don’t bury myself in you.”
My father had me kill my first man on his orders when I was fourteen. A traitor that my father had tortured in front of me before I put a bullet in his head. After that, my father had one of his soldiers torture me to see how long I could stand the pain until I broke down and pleaded for him to stop. I lasted less than thirty minutes. The second time, I lasted almost two hours. The tenth time, my father had to stop the soldier or I would have died. I didn’t beg, not even to save my life. Be glad that you never got the chance to develop your cruelness, Valentina.”
Money makes sinners out of most saints.”
“Am I forgiven?” I gasped out. Dante growled. He leaned over me, his fingers finding my nub. “I shouldn’t forgive you,” he said between grunts, accentuating every word with a hard thrust. “But for some reason, I can’t stay mad at you.”
Dante watched me. Then I slipped under the covers. “Do you want me to join you?” he asked. I hesitated. “I don’t think I’m well enough for sex.” Dante perched on the bed. “Valentina, that’s not what I meant. I’m not that kind of bastard.”
“It looks like there’s not going to be a wedding.” “You mean between Gianna and Matteo? Why? Did they have another fight?” “A fight wouldn’t have prevented Matteo from making the Scuderi girl his wife. He’s obsessed with her. No, the girl ran away.”
“I’m pregnant,”
“Yes. We never used protection, so I don’t know why you’re acting so shocked. Wasn’t an heir one of the reasons why you married me?” “That was the reason why my father wanted me to marry again.” “So you don’t want kids?”
“Is it mine?”
“Answer my question,” Dante said in a low voice. “Of course it is your child. You’re the only man I’ve ever slept with. How can you even ask such a question? How dare you?”
“I’m not keeping track of everything you do, and there are many men who frequent the casino that wouldn’t say no to a night with you. You’ve made a habit out of keeping things from me. Do I have to remind you of Frank?”
“How can you even say something like that? I’ve never given you any reason to doubt me like that. I’m loyal to this marriage. There’s a difference between not telling you about Frank and cheating on you.”
“I told you I didn’t want to talk about Carla.” “Why not? Because you still love her? Because you can’t move on?” He stiffened. “I’m sorry you lost Carla, but I’m your wife now.”
“I’m so sick of you treating me like a whore. You ignore me by day and come to me at night for sex. And now you accuse me of cheating on you? Sometimes I think you hurt me on purpose to keep me at arm’s length. When will you finally move on? Your wife has been dead for four years; it’s time you stop pitying yourself and realize that life goes on. When will you stop clinging to the memory of a dead woman and realize there’s someone in your life who wants to be with you?”
“Do you want to hit me? Go ahead. It can’t possibly be worse than the knife you thrust into my back by accusing me of carrying another man’s child.”
“You’re so busy honoring her memory and protecting the image of her you have in your mind that you don’t realize how badly you’re treating me. You lost your first wife through no fault of your own, but you will be losing me because you can’t let go of her.”
“I’ll move into the guest bedroom. There isn’t enough room in our bedroom for me and the memories of your past. If you ever decide you want to give this marriage a chance, then you can come to me and apologize for what you said. Until then, I’m done with us.”
couldn’t take my eyes off the squishy girl in my arm. I carried her into the living room, cooing to her. When I glanced up, Dante was watching me with something close to warmth in his eyes. I lowered my gaze immediately.
“I want you to move back into our bedroom, Val.” I stopped. It was a request worded like an order. He hadn’t apologized. Despite all that, I heard myself saying, “Okay.”
Despite everything Dante had said and done, he was my husband and I had come to love him, no matter how stupid that made me. He was the father of my child, even if he didn’t want to believe it.
“You know what’s strange?” I whispered thickly. “At one point, I thought I could never love someone as I loved Antonio, no matter how unrequited that love was. And today I’m condemning him to his death for another man who will never love me back.”
I’d chosen Dante, and I’d choose him again. He was my husband, he was the father of my unborn child, he was the man I loved even if he’d never given me reason to.
“Please,” I said quietly. “Make love to me. Just today. I know you don’t love me. Pretend, just for tonight. Hold me in your arms for once.”
He brought his face down to mine, kissed my lips, then my cheeks until his mouth brushed my ear. “I should have made love to you before,” he said in a low voice.
I knew many women in our world preferred a beautiful lie to the harsh truth any day, and for the first time, I understood. After all that had happened today, I allowed myself that weakness. Tomorrow would be the time to face reality.
“Thank you for helping Bibi.” “I did it for you,” he said simply. That was probably as close to a declaration of what—Love? Affection?—I’d ever get from him.
