The Trouble with Hating You

by Sajni Patel

All that judgmental, sexist shaming you’re doing isn’t reflective of her but defining you.”

“To my girls. May fate never tear us apart. Thank you for supporting me through life in general.”

I slapped him. And not a dainty slap, but with the back of my hand so that my rings left red and pink stripes across his face and broke skin.

I was a woman who had physical, consensual relationships, and I was not ashamed.

I tried to be a strong woman, I swore I did, but being a victim of something did not make me weak. Right? Asking for help or comfort did not make me weak.

I supposed there was no such thing as a stress-free life, no matter my education, career path, position, or pay. There was always one thing or another,

I could do rage all day. I couldn’t do fear. Not again. Never again.

I wouldn’t want a subservient wife. I want…a queen. Authoritative, independent, decisive, but able to confide in me and consult with me, a team player.”

“Why am I the idiot?” I asked as I followed them into the apartment. “Because you’re a guy,” they said in unison.

“If you want therapeutic intimacy, then you can get it from me, not some random idiot who probably doesn’t want anything more or who doesn’t see anything more.”

“I see so deep into you, Liya, that you can’t hide yourself from me. Even things you don’t want me to see. I love every piece of beauty, every imperfection, and I can’t get enough.”

How did someone go from never trusting a man to telling one about being assaulted?

“We’d make love. We’d turn down that bed. I’d have you making all kinds of noises and calling out my name like you’d lost your mind.”

“Because you never judge someone based on rumors.

“Don’t think for a second that there’s even a chance of me walking away from this. You understand me?”

For the first time in my life, I felt loved. This was love.

“You can be different, free, opinionated, be all those things but be a good person.”

“You’re mine. I’m yours. We don’t belong with anyone else. I don’t stand in front of you, or run after you. I walk alongside you. I will be damned if anything breaks us.

You’re the madness I need, the passion I breathe, the spark that brings me to life. I will go wherever you are.”