What Lies Between Us

by John Marrs

You are the person I share this house with, nothing more, nothing less. You mean no more to me than the shutters that hide what goes on in here, the floorboards I walk over or the doors we use to separate

I imagine this is jow my parents felt before theur ducirce

refer to this room as the crow’s nest because it reminds me of a ship’s lookout point

A panopticon

Once upon a time we were the best of friends. But that was before he destroyed everything. Now the two of us are little more than the debris he left behind.

Whatttt

Maggie’s life is spent behind those shutters living vicariously through everyone else, and I wonder to what degree she misses interacting with people.

Like tabgked

am close to pitying her.

Nina is upsetvw maggie fir some reason

Nina is no longer my little girl and I am no longer her mother.

Waitttt nina is maggues daughter yet she is oowjsy imprusoning her moyhet whyy

It’s as if she is afraid that by going faster, she’ll lose her balance and fall backwards. I’m here to catch her if she does.

I am afrayd if falling again

Sharing a house with a twisted spirit is better than being alone. Being alone scares me more than anything else in the world.

But she lowkey seems scarruer abd mire sinuste nina

would be nice to do something that is different for us, but normal for other families. Then I dismiss the idea as quickly as it appeared.

I gt iy wll i wanf feom m fsiky is to be normalabd be close butthe dontwant thus

On the library floor, yes, we remain relatively softly spoken and professional and we do love our books.

Ahhh i love books

keep most people at arm’s length for a reason. If you allow an emotional attachment to develop, eventually that person will disappoint you. They might not mean to, but if a better opportunity comes along, they will always leave you for it. I’ve learned the hard way that people – even loved ones – are transient souls. As the library doors open and

Love is conditional

really happy.’ ‘When you get older you’ll understand that sometimes appearances can be deceptive,’ she replies. ‘You can never really know a person, no matter how much you love them.’

Its true i knew my parents werebt gling to ladt nut wasnt aware of just hiw unhappy my mom was

My daytime chain is affixed to a metal spike in the centre of the room that’s secured to what I assume to be a joist under the floorboards. It stretches exactly the same distance in both directions, to the window and to the door on the opposite wall. I suppose that’s why she doesn’t lock my bedroom door. She knows I’m not going anywhere. The second chain is only used when I join her for dinner, every second evening. It reaches down the staircase, along a first-floor landing and into the dining room. It also allows

This is barbaruc

The first thing I spot among the contents is a reminder of the first time Nina broke my heart.

wonder how far along she is, or if she even knows when she is due. I cannot take the risk, so there is only one solution. I must deal with this for her.

So nina got pregnwbt ay 14??

weight balloon. It’s only recently that I’ve decided to do something about it. And through healthy eating and exercise, I’m thrilled to have lost almost a stone.

I wluld due

My weight loss has been coupled with a desire to update my appearance. It surprised Maggie almost as much as it surprised me when I turned up at her bedroom door asking if she could teach me how to apply make-up. I could have watched a YouTube tutorial or visited Boots and asked one of the overly made-up mannequins behind the counter to offer me a demonstration.

Babies having babies.

Just pike nina

Your body knew something was wrong and rejected it. The worst-case scenario is that you would’ve gone the full nine months and been forced

Ih my goidness quite a sexret

As I watched her eat, I questioned whether forcing my daughter’s body to miscarry without her knowledge was the right thing to do. My mind goes back to 1981 when I was two years into my midwifery training and fell unexpectedly pregnant with Nina. My plan to return to complete the course never materialised.

Ohhhh no dies nina find iur abd ths is why shes holding a geudge against her

There are a handful of memories I’ve been able to piece together from back then, such as the night I got the tattoo. It was at a house party and Jon was keen that I got something permanent to show how much I loved him. He was insistent it was the word Lolita because it would mean something to both of us. I eagerly agreed.

Was jon the father if tge miscarried baby of nina

besotted

pregnancy. I’m remembering the child I had with Jon.

Called it

quite expensive.’ ‘You can’t put a price on family.’ ‘You can when a train ticket costs close to a week’s wages. Besides, Mum doesn’t remember who I am now.’

‘Don’t kid yourself. All you’re going to accomplish is that you’ll see even less of her. She’ll hate you for breaking us up and she’ll keep running away from you to come back to me.’ ‘She’s my daughter, not a toy for you to play with.’

Waitttt diws nine hate het fir keroing him away from her or d they start having an affair

I’ve seen my daughter consumed by her dark side twice before and I prayed I’d never bear witness to it again. The first occasion was as much of a surprise to me as it was to Alistair. It was so swift neither of us could’ve seen it coming. And, truth be told, I can’t blame Nina for it. That’s why I wasn’t going to allow what she did to destroy the rest of her life.

To be afraud of yiur iwn daughter is devious

And again, I cannot blame her; I can only blame myself. I wasn’t thinking when I kicked her in the face. I panicked – it was a case of fight or flight, and I chose both. And it was the worst thing I could’ve done. I close my door and

Blaming onesekf fir sineobe ekses avruond

thought that having a baby meant that I would always be loved by someone until the day I died. I was wrong. Being a mother is no guarantee of anything.

‘My boyfriend’s in a band and their new single is reviewed in here.’

Is thus jons actuwl gf and thus is how maggie fjds out ges cgeating

Once that gets out, I could be arrested and it’ll be the end of you and me and the band. And we are so close to getting signed by a major label.’ He put his thumb and index finger close together as if to emphasise his proximity to success.

Ewww hes sik selfish

‘I’ll be back soon,’ I whisper, then return to the basement to do what needs to be

Is she going to kill the gaby on purpose

Guilt continues to eat me up: guilt at what my stupid body did to my daughter, and guilt for letting Mum take her away without me even holding her first.

chocolate cake I’m baking.

I want her to know I am here and that I care.

DId mafgie pit him in jail so she ca hae nina l tk heref

‘Why you told Social Services that I wouldn’t make a good parent.’

Oh nooo is this why they dont get akong njow

‘I’m sorry if you think I was trying to hurt you, darling, but I didn’t say anything to the social worker that’s inaccurate. I’ve been honest with her for the sake of you

did the right thing, I say to myself. I did the right thing. My daughter cannot be

Damn rigjy

I take one last look around to make sure nobody is watching me, and then I make my approach.

Are they going to kidnao this girl

By the time the clock radio alarm wakes me in the morning and I switch my phone back on, there are already two messages waiting for me. One is a continuation of Bobby’s and my movie chat from last night. The second is a cheery ‘Morning!’ and a smiling sun emoji. ‘Did you have an early night?’ he asks.

I womderif thisis koey hed faahed tubti be incignituo and recg iut

your imagination can lead you astray.

‘Because you’re my sister.’

Exvuse me is THUS why bina is maf At mAggie fir kerping thus frok her

‘Mum,’ I continue, then quickly correct myself. ‘Maggie. Let’s not play these games. I’m not an idiot.’

Reducung her mother ti her name

We have both got this so very, very wrong. Bobby isn’t my half-brother. Bobby is Dylan. And Dylan is my son, not the lost daughter I have pined for all these years.

Excuseeeems

The baby my mum told me was stillborn was no such thing. How do I begin to make sense of this?

This Moxydogrel is the reason why so much of the period after Dylan’s birth is hazy. She was drugging me. I return to my phone and carry on reading the web page, when the words ‘side effects’ catch my attention.

Waw maggie druggung nina ti maje her seem as thiugh she us crazy or ti justify her actions

will help the user to miscarry at home.’ Mum must have given it to me the first time I fell pregnant. Nature didn’t make me lose the baby; she did.

Wow maggie kafe jina miacarry

Then it hits me. Unless Dad never left us.

Whawtttt

It’s the ribcage of an adult. I am standing over my missing father’s body.

Dud mggue kill her father and made it seem as thiugh he keft her amk of tgese secretssss

I watch in fascination as my mother’s panicked eyes flit around the bedroom trying to place what has changed since she was last in here, ten days ago.

SHs enjoyin this bese of ak her mother has kept rom hern and maipilayed jer and made her seem diabolical shh even mamipuked theerrader by startingthe narratuve thaa NINA was the craxu one yee ge diis have jusifucstionfor her rreoinse of lockingmaggie swsy...i mean jusifcstion fornkw. We may beemsnioukated orgaslit by even ninaatoo as its frokm her perspective too

am not your half-sister. I’m your biological mother.’