What Lies Between Us

by John Marrs

‘A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.’ —Charles Spurgeon

There is just one lesson I have learned from the life we share. And it is this: everything that is wrong with me is wrong with you too. We are one and the same. When I die, your flame will also extinguish.

Oh!

‘The same as usual. I’m making chicken chasseur for dinner.’ I hate chicken chasseur. ‘Sounds lovely,’ I say. ‘Is it my turn to eat with you tonight?’ ‘Yes, it’s Tuesday.’

Excuse me???!!!

His mum left him for a moment as she went to another aisle. I imagined how easy it would be to grab him and carry him outside.

Oh! Gurl.... What

some forty years ago

FRTY YEARS?!!????!??!

Nina is no longer my little girl and I am no longer her mother.

EXCUSE MEEE!??!??!!

What he has done to her breaks my heart, but for the sake of both of our sanities, she must remain in the dark. I must protect her at all costs.

Oh lord what xid he do

Maggie had palmed the nail file. She tried to pretend that she hadn’t, but it was easy to locate inside her pillowcase. I tutted at her, waved my finger in an exaggerated manner and took it back before she could do any damage with it. Then I stole her pillows as punishment.

Oh my gosh does she self harm

It doesn’t stop me from resenting her for having this healthy, cheerful child and against all the odds, keeping it alive. It’s more than I ever managed.

Oof

Instead of shame, I’m now annoyed by that poor excuse for a mother. How dare she speak to me like that? What is it with women who, once they have a child, automatically think they’re superior to the rest of us? If she’d kept her eye on her daughter’s well-being then I wouldn’t have needed to step in. Well, she’s going to regret that. My opportunity arrives much sooner than I anticipated

Ummmm..... Youre insane and a weirdo

Months ago, I prized the safety guard from the front so I already know the blades are plastic and of little use to me as a weapon. Neither are the exposed floorboards.

Omg she does self harm dpesnt she.... Is she aso suicidal

roast. She didn’t notice any difference in taste. As I watched her eat, I questioned whether forcing my daughter’s body to miscarry without her knowledge was the right thing to do.

Oh my gosh

Mum disposed of all the photographs of him and me, apart from the one I have kept tucked away inside my purse.

My question now ijs what did the father do and where is he

Without realising it, my fingers have moved towards my lips and the tip of one is tracing the tattoo hidden inside my mouth.

What

imagine he’s holding my face and is about to kiss me.

Pls tell me this is not her dad

He knows me better than anyone and we haven’t even met. If my best friend or any one of these crazy bitches thinks they stand a chance with him, they’re

Ummmm.....

Husbands and dads don’t walk out on their families for no reason, which makes me think she treated him so badly that he had no choice but to leave us both.

Ok so not her dad. But wow you hate your mom

Then he makes the approach I’ve been longing for.

He groomed you

She learned not to trust me with the metal ones when I stabbed her in the arm with a fork shortly after this all began.

Oh!!

However, her truth had the opposite effect and Jon admitted it excited him knowing that what we were doing was forbidden. ‘I like my bananas green,’ he’d said with a grin.

Eewwwww

And I’m rubbing it gently and remembering my second pregnancy. I’m remembering the child I had with Jon.

Holy shit

had snatched her back from under his nose. I had won, but I have paid for it with twenty-three years of guilt.

Ooohhhhh

We have both been punished for the same crime – for loving Nina.

I don’t think she’s ready for this adult world but short of locking her in the attic, what else can I do?

The irony

Even just thinking about him brings me out in a broad smile. He is the reason why I want to lose weight and get fit. I don’t need anybody’s approval but his. And he is the biggest secret I keep from the world, an even larger one than Maggie.

Pls trll me its not tht teenager

It’s the one blind spot – and perfect for a grave.

Psychopath

‘I should hope not, she is a fifteen-year-old schoolgirl,’ I say. ‘But does she know that?’ ‘Know what? That she’s fifteen? I’d hope so. Anyway, she told me she was eighteen so it’s hardly my fault.’

‘By the way,’ he adds as he walks away, ‘it’s a shame you don’t have any more daughters. A year or two younger would’ve been just right.’ Then he winks

Eeewwwwwww

Once she stops wanting everything she can’t have, she’s no longer being punished.

Youre insane

‘I’ll be back soon,’ I whisper, then return to the basement to do what needs to be done.

Oh my god shes gonna kill the baby

Because if I do, they might release something that I have spent the last twenty years trying to contain.

Oh lord

‘Because you’re my sister.’

Ehat the fuck

am standing over my missing father’s body.

This mother is psycho

‘Is that what this is all about?’ I say, grabbing at and rattling my chain. ‘You’re doing all this to punish me for trying to give you a better life? For giving my grandson better opportunities?’ ‘That wasn’t your decision to make! He was my baby and you gave him up.’ ‘You were in no fit state to be a mother.’ Nina rises to her feet and jabs her finger in my chest. ‘You didn’t give me the opportunity to try! It was not up to you to decide that for me.’

Damn

I feel my chest tighten as I think of how I’m growing ever more resentful of Nina. She is burying her head in the sand if she thinks this is the way forward. And I’ll be damned if I’m burying myself next to her.

Ironic and hypocritical dont ya think?

To the people who pass us, we must look like lovers. I know how inappropriate that sounds but it’s how I feel.

Babe thats incestuous

Except we are not a couple. And sometimes, when I feel the lines starting to blur, I have to remind myself that we are mother and son.

Oh lord

her hands, either. I cannot kill as she has killed.

WHAT THE FYCK

I return to the corridor and am about to head downstairs to see if he’s dropped off in front of the

No way.

His daughter rains two more blows upon him, one across his back and another to the head, until he stops moving. Then without saying a word, Nina drops the object to the floor and retreats to her bedroom as quietly as she appeared.

No wtf

These aren’t just ordinary teenage tantrums; they’re indicative of something running much deeper.

Does she have DID and did she ger it bc her dad has been raping her at night?!??!!?!!

It is similar to amnesia, but is frequently found in people who have experienced dissociative identity disorder. That is a condition created by the brain as a defence against trauma to help disconnect from extreme psychological distress. Events

Called it

I try and picture Dylan’s face when he sees I’m here at his family home. I really think he’ll appreciate the effort I’ve gone to.

Oh babe.. Noooo