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One thing, you don’t apologize to friends for needing them. I don’t know this because I have a lot of friends, you know that with the cancer and missing school and stuff I kinda lost all my friends. I know this because in all the really good books and movies, friends do everything and anything for each other. Obviously, you would do anything for me seeing as how before we were even friends, you saved my life by taking a bullet for me, and I’m trying not to be mad that you don’t know I would do the same for you. You want to curse? You want to talk to me about your kids? Or the hell you went
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If I have to kill every single fuckin’ man on this goddamn planet to be with you, Lou, you better believe that I fuckin’ will and I’ll do it with a fuckin’ smile.”
But despite what she said, I knew we had all the time in the world, so I wasn’t in any fuckin’ rush. I could enjoy lyin’ on the floor of my cabin holdin’ my girl and do it knowin’ I’d have a lifetime with her.
It didn’t make sense but that’s what my time with Lou always reminded me of, a religious experience. I felt cowed and unworthy of her goodness, moved to the point of reverence and devoted to the point of worship. I wanted her to be my religion, the reason the sun rose and fell each day. The reason for my entire fuckin’ existence.
“Yeah, you get dazzled first thing when you look at him but as soon as he opens his mouth, you come back to earth real quick.”
“Now, I ain’t makin’ you any promises here, little warrior, but if your fine ass is going to heaven—and it fuckin’ well is—I’ll find a way to get there too. If I gotta move into that fuckin’ church and pay penance every goddamn hour, I’ll do it. If I gotta give up boozin’, guns and drug runnin’, I’ll fuckin’ well do it and I’d do it now if it meant I got a place beside my girl behind those pearly gates.”
“Do it for you, Lou. Do anythin’ for you.”
compared to the roughness of his beard. “I love you, ya know?” He smiled under my questing mouth. “Love you like it’s my religion, little Lou.” Then he pressed his forehead to mine and said, “Just in case there was any fuckin’ doubt, this is your house now and my bed is your bed. Wanted you here anyway, sorry it happened this way, little warrior, so fuckin’ sorry, but glad you’re here all the fuckin’ same.”
He cupped his hands around my face and pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose. “Love you even when you don’t.”
“Want you to cut it for me, Lou,” he explained. “No!” I said immediately. “Yeah, little warrior. See, it’s important to me you get that I’m in this with you. Can’t suffer what you suffer, can’t take that pain from ya like I want to more than fuckin’ anythin’. But I can stand with you. Don’t know if you’ll lose all that hair but if you do, I wanna do it with you.”
“What could I have ever done in a past life to deserve a man like you?” His eyes flashed as he leaned close. “This isn’t about that shit. We deserve each other ’cause we get each other. I know the heart of ya and you know the heart of me. Deservin’ or not deservin’ has nothin’ to do with it and it fuckin’ can’t ’cause if I get to thinkin’ ’bout that question, I lose every time.”
