When I lie down on the sofa beside Helena, and the house is finally quiet, the old fear comes back. It’s never gone away. Just stewed and simmered, lurking beneath the lid of false security I’d dropped on top of it. But my security is gone now. It’s hard to breathe, hard to think, and there’s such a sharp pain behind my eyes it makes me see lights. I want to grab Helena and run. Like they told me to. I was such a fool not to run. I’ve only delayed the day. Made them all suffer. And then I remember my certainty. There has to be a reason. There has to be a chance that we will survive this. I
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