Open Book

by Jessica Simpson

I didn’t think I was enough, so I overcompensated by making my life a series of experiences for everyone else.

I remind myself that life is really just about one moment at a time. To not think about two years from now, but to think about me right now. Two years from now will figure itself out.

I took all the pressures in my head and blamed them on my relationships with other people. Instead of it being my relationship with myself.

didn’t answer at first. It was a real question. In my entire life, whenever someone asked me if I was okay, the answer was a reflex: “Yes.” Because, no matter what, I always wanted it to be true. “I am not okay,” I said, surprising myself.

To walk forward through my anxiety, I first had to look back to understand what pain I was running from, and what I was trying to hide.

It took me losing a part of my life to appreciate a part of my life that always will be, my sister. “You’re going to be okay,” she would say. “Just give it time.”

Whatever you are going through, the sun will come.

There’s something wonderful about rediscovering each other as sisters, when you’re in your twenties. You have more perspective.

Now I knew the truth. I was a pet bird. He would throw me into the sky and watch me catch air and soar long enough that it meant something when he pulled a gun from his back pocket to shoot me down, expertly aiming to graze a wing, never a kill shot to end the misery. To think that every single time I lay on the ground, broken and bewildered, he took his time walking over. Observing me to jot down notes and hum a new song of heartbreak.

You probably have that someone, too. I think it’s okay every now and again to reflect on that time. Get down the box from the top shelf of the emotional closet and marvel at the things that used to mean so much. The keepsakes of our mistakes, the souvenirs of lost years. But know when to start making new memories with people who deserve the you that you are now.

I think we move through the world assuming people know what they mean to us. But so often those assumptions fall short.