Open Book

by Jessica Simpson

I was like a lot of women who get their wish: I loved being a mom, I just didn’t love being me.

I didn’t think I was enough, so I overcompensated by making my life a series of experiences for everyone else.

No spotlight is safe around a Simpson—we’ll steal it every time.

To walk forward through my anxiety, I first had to look back to understand what pain I was running from, and what I was trying to hide.

That’s the power of faith in action. It’s not about talking and judging. It’s about doing.

It was a powerful lesson in creating a legacy by choosing your words with intention. We are on this earth such a short time,

And I was supposed to stay home and be Betty Crocker? Nope, I was going to go be Daisy Duke.

Oh, people underestimate me because of the way I look? How can I use that to my advantage? I felt powerful.

Could I be anybody to me? And who did I want to be?

“If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,” I sang, “why, oh why, can’t I?”

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

Like all mothers and daughters, especially strong-willed, dynamic ones, they, too, had a complicated relationship.

It took me losing a part of my life to appreciate a part of my life that always will be,

“Love is not enough,” I said. “If love was enough, I would stay forever. But it isn’t enough. We have to like each other. We have to be friends.”

How many times are women made to feel responsible for the actions of men? I know now that I wasn’t, but back then, it felt like I needed to fix him.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in the vessel of the work rather than what matters: the spirit that fills it.

He has since admitted that he has abused the ability to express himself. I had always prided myself on being smarter than everyone thought I was. For a long time, he took that from me. He made me feel dumb. I stopped understanding what was real and what was in my head.

The truest voice is always that one inside you. I wouldn’t give in.

we can’t allow ourselves to do the work for bullies. Give a girl an insult, she’ll feel bad for a day, but teach her to hate her body, she’ll feel bad forever.

I think it’s okay every now and again to reflect on that time. Get down the box from the top shelf of the emotional closet and marvel at the things that used to mean so much. The keepsakes of our mistakes, the souvenirs of lost years. But know when to start making new memories with people who deserve the you that you are now.

This light walked into my life, and I remember the moment I realized I didn’t have to give him my light. We could share it and make things brighter for everybody. Welp, I thought, that’s refreshing.

When I was pregnant with Maxwell, every sad thing in my life was forgotten or put into a healthy perspective. I know that was so much to put on her, but I couldn’t help it. She saved me from all the worries, all the overthinking, all the dwelling on the past. That’s why I had absolutely no problem stopping drinking during my pregnancy. I was able to turn inward instead of doing my usual escaping. I didn’t want to look outward, because I was just so astonished by what my body was capable of. Creating life allowed me to awaken my spirit.

When you have a second child, you wonder if your heart will divide to accommodate another child, but it just expands and gets bigger. Each time I put them to bed, there was a feeling of gratitude. I couldn’t believe they were all mine, and I had made these perfect beings with my best friend.

I laugh because they all need me, and poor Eric, we all need him. I’m so happy not to be pregnant anymore that I still just lay on his chest and breathe these big sighs of relief. When I am with him, wherever we are I feel at home. When I hold his hand, I feel like I can just step forward into the future with grace and strength.

I wouldn’t change a single thing about my story, because I finally love who I am, and I can forgive who I was.

“Sometimes we are all so afraid to be honest with ourselves because we know that honesty will lead to somewhere.”

“Can fear walk us to something better?”

“Pain is where all the tools are,”

We need to own our weakness, our hurt, our pain, and say it out loud so that we can name what is coming up and why. You deserve it. You deserve to feel the heartbreak and the pain so that once and for all you stop holding yourself back from feeling whatever it is you’ve tried to mask.