The Future of Feeling: Building Empathy in a Tech-Obsessed World

by Kaitlin Ugolik Phillips

The problem exists among those with good intentions too. Without tone of voice, facial expressions, or any real accountability for what we say, even those of us with the best intentions can have a hard time remembering the humanity of the people on the other side of the keyboard. The former classmate I sparred with on Facebook about police brutality had something real to say to me, but it was clear by the way he presented it that he didn’t even want a debate—he simply wanted to pour out his words, screw on the top, and throw the bottle away. That probably felt good for a few minutes. But I know from experience that that feeling likely didn’t last. I’ve won my share of online battles too, and I even saw that conversation as won for a while when he didn’t answer. In the trenches of social media, it can feel good in the moment to have pelted your opponent into submission with long, eloquent comments and carefully researched links. But whenever I’ve had this experience, I’ve always felt tired, anxious, embarrassed, and still upset about the thing I’d posted about in the first place. I’ve never changed anyone’s mind or convinced them to see things my way in these gamified conversations. I never furthered any cause or helped myself come to peace with awful things in the world. I just raised my blood pressure, lost a few friends, and pissed off some family members.