when the first comment in an exchange used direct questions or started sentences with “you,” the conversation was significantly more likely to go awry. Comments that started with gratitude, greetings, or attempts at coordination were correlated with conversations staying on track. It wasn’t that only people who agreed were nice to one another; disagreeing seemed to be OK as long as it was done using “hedges” and prompts for opinion. The research also supported the long-held idea that using “I/we” sentences tends to keep people from getting too defensive.
