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In 2018 a corporate psychological assessment company called PsychTests.com measured the self-reported empathy of more than nine thousand people. Then, a group of researchers compared those scores with the respondents’ performance level in thirty-one different abilities. The people who scored higher in empathy also scored much higher in reading body language, conflict-resolution skills, resilience, and standing by their values.
phenomenon sometimes called the “collapse of compassion.” Experts think this happens because we automatically regulate our emotional reactions when we expect them to be overwhelming. For instance, when we learn of a genocide or mass famine, we might send some money, but fewer of us will stay tuned to twenty-four-hour cable coverage of the event, because it feels like emotional overload. Some research—Bloom’s included—suggests that this reaction can be tempered by the race, religion, or political beliefs of the people affected. If we feel like a person or group is part of our “tribe,” we might
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young people with poor mental health might be using social media more as a coping mechanism.
Platforms like Facebook and Twitter can feel like battlefields where it’s hard for us to convince one another to set down our weapons long enough to understand a different experience or perspective. Opportunities to talk at each other are so common, and the energy to really listen is so limited, that it can feel like we’re spending most of our online time on the defense.
The problem exists among those with good intentions too. Without tone of voice, facial expressions, or any real accountability for what we say, even those of us with the best intentions can have a hard time remembering the humanity of the people on the other side of the keyboard. The former classmate I sparred with on Facebook about police brutality had something real to say to me, but it was clear by the way he presented it that he didn’t even want a debate—he simply wanted to pour out his words, screw on the top, and throw the bottle away. That probably felt good for a few minutes. But I
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“Never get high on your own supply” was the mantra told to Guardian journalist Alex Hern, who wrote in early 2018 about how the founders and CEOs at Facebook, Twitter, and other social-media networks don’t use their own products the way the rest of us do, prioritizing privacy and control of their time. Even Apple CEO Tim Cook told a group of college students in London recently that while he didn’t have a child of his own, he wouldn’t allow his young nephew to use social media in his house.
“Empathy is important, but it is insufficient,” she said. “You feeling bad doesn’t do anything for the public good. Your actions do things for the public good.”
Parents are having an increasingly difficult time modeling empathy, compassion, communication, and other social skills for their kids as life moves more and more online. Constantly staring at phones and computers is bad for the person doing the staring, but it also affects kids looking for a guide.
