The horrors of returning to the world make for desirable escapes, but also a shrinking window to enjoy those escapes in. If I turn away too long, I might forget what it is to mourn. The newest thing that cloaks me in fear is the idea that I’ve become too numb to a world that increasingly demands furious engagement. I went to sleep again, and when I woke up, there were fifty Muslims dead in New Zealand and people once again arguing over who deserves to live a full life and how those people deserve to live a full life. In all of my group chats, no one really knows what to say, and so no one says
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