The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz

by Erik Larson

London’s mailboxes received a special coating of yellow paint that changed color in the presence of poison gas.

Helpful!

But this presumed that France, with its mighty army and Maginot Line and powerful navy, would stand firm and thereby hem in the Luftwaffe and block all German paths to invasion.

Womp Womp

Knock-kneed, fish-lipped, with very large ears, and saddled with a significant stammer,

Rude

Many of the girls in Mary’s group joined the Women’s Voluntary Service, which helped resettle evacuees, operated rest centers, and provided emergency food, but also did such varied tasks as spinning dogs’ hair into yarn for use in making clothing.

Yikes

Often generals, ministers, and staff members would find themselves meeting with Churchill while he was in his bathtub, one of his favorite places to work.

That’s abusive.

After sidestepping Churchill’s various requests, the president added, “The best of luck to you.”

lol rude

She and Churchill kept separate bedrooms; sex happened only upon her explicit invitation.

Good for her

He often carried a revolver—and often misplaced it, according to Inspector Thompson.

Unsafe, to say the least.

One German general reported being summoned for a meeting with Göring and finding him “sitting there dressed in the following way: a green silk shirt embroidered in gold, with gold thread running through it, and a large monocle. His hair had been dyed yellow, his eyebrows were penciled, his cheeks rouged—he was wearing violet silk stockings and black patent leather pumps. He was sitting there looking like a jellyfish.”

That is a very kind description.

“Surely you’re not afraid of a bat, are you?” Churchill asked. She was indeed afraid. “I’ll protect you,” he said. “Get on with your work.”

It’s all fun and games till you’re dying of rabies during a World War but ok.

Churchill, angered by the French failure to prepare his afternoon bath, bursting through a set of double doors wearing a red kimono and a white belt, exclaiming, “Uh ay ma bain?”—his French version of the question “Where is my bath?”

Not a red kimono with a white belt

advances in technology would play an important role. This had already proved the case with radar, a happy by-product of far less successful research into the feasibility of creating a “death ray” capable of destroying aircraft outright.

Death Ray come on now

By his own careful measure, he consumed up to two hundred grams of sugar a day, equivalent to forty-eight teaspoons.

That’s quite…a lot. I wilder what his teeth looked like.

“She was very plump and so bosomy we all called her ‘the dairy maid.’ She wore high heels and tossed her bottom around.

Do dairy maids have big boobs etc?

“All you need to be married are champagne, a box of cigars, and a double bed,” he said. Or this: “One of the secrets of a happy marriage is never to speak to or see the loved one before noon.”

I bet he’s not wrong though

Mass-Observation diarist Olivia Cockett, in the midst of an affair with a married man, noted in passing that during a weeklong bout of lovemaking, she and her lover had sex six times, but “only one complete for me.”

GIRL.

After dinner, fueled with champagne and brandy, he fired up the Chequers gramophone and began to play military marches and songs. He brought out a big-game rifle, probably his Mannlicher, and began to march to the music, one of his favorite evening pastimes. He then executed a series of rifle drills and bayonet maneuvers, looking in his rompers like a fierce pale blue Easter egg gone to war.

This is what y’all do for fun?!