Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick (Zoey Ashe #2)

by David Wong

Everything that happens matters only in terms of what you can learn from it going forward.”

“Otherwise we’ll end up like Tilley,” said Zoey. “Disorganized.” Echo said, “What do you need us to—” “Because he was missing his organs!”

Zoey's emotional state shifts to accomodate the author's rapid interchange between social moralizing and juvenile humor.

Zoey said, “Do I own this business, or not? We’re not letting these people run my life and we’re not letting them ruin Halloween for those kids.”

Z and her mom are stupidly obstinate about things for the sole purpose of creating additional conflict.

Zoey waved him off. “You know I’m not doing that. Budd and Andre are out there because of me, I need to be there.” Will shook his head. “He’s actually right, and this isn’t a sexism thing. It’s bad strategy. Taking you into the teeth of whatever has happened there puts you in danger of falling into Chobb’s hands. If he gets you, he gets total control over the situation.” “Then we make sure he doesn’t get me. You wouldn’t be saying this if it was my father sitting here instead of me.”

Eye roll. Again: Zoey, a character who has had two full on meltdowns after nearly dying twice, now insists on putting herself into another Sure Death situation for no reason other than to provide the novel with further conflict.

They were right. The Blowback. This whole time. They were right about everything but the eating and the orgy. But I absolutely had Tilley killed, I absolutely took his guts, I absolutely allowed his hollowed-out body to be kicked around by strangers like a beer bottle on a sidewalk.”

Eye roll. This is moralistic twaddle.

“What I’m asking you, Will, is did a poor, distraught man die, and give up his organs, so I could get rid of an annoying noise in my air conditioner?” Will looked genuinely exasperated. “You can’t look at it that way.” “Why not?”

Why would Zoey continue to believe these things after all the experiences she's had? It's like every day is her first day being the uber-wealthy owner of countless multi-layered enterprises.

“Every time things get hard, you retreat right back to this place. Thinking of Arthur as this monster, ignoring all of the lessons you’ve learned. Everything you’ve learned about what power really means.” “And by lessons, you mean a pile of words to make victims sound like customers.”

This exchange is emblematic of the primary frustration with this character and the stories she engenders. Every time she comes close to being relatable, she shifts into hysteria or behaves irrationally. Weirdly, it's like the author seems to see how he's failing the character. He has another character point out that none of the lessons she learns ever seem to stick.

“All right. We’ve always known this was a possibility. Here’s where we wish we had Marti to use as a trading chip, but—” “Shut up, Will.” “Zoey. We’ve been through this situation before. This is a move we knew was out there for Chobb to make. He’s made it. Now we make ours. This is exactly what you asked me to prepare for—” “You think you’re some kind of expert at reading people. But I’m telling you, buddy, you are not reading me right now.”

Man. I am starting to loathe Zoey.

This was stupid, so stupid.

If this story had any balls, her mom would indeed be aflame, but I fear Pargin would never cross that line.

It’s not like parade floats are held to some kind of journalistic standards. Someone would have told her if that building had been her father’s, that he was possibly to blame for its failing fire protection system and that, by extension, she was to blame for not fixing it.

I'm officially sick of this constantly repeated refrain: her dad did something terrible, she inherited his wealth, and so now she's responsible for his crime.

Somebody kick that gas thing away from the door, some if it’s still blowing in.”

Editor?