Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick (Zoey Ashe #2)

by David Wong

an unreasonably white man in his late thirties

more than Abe Lincoln hated ceiling fans—”

“You people say ‘business,’ when you mean organized crime.” Zoey said, “It honestly isn’t that organized.”

You get your heart broken and you get humiliated but the sun rises the next day.

Zoey was in a business-y gray skirt and blazer, having just returned from a brutal day of meetings with people asking her for money or permission to do things she didn’t fully understand, trying to appear attentive while her shoes were slowly grinding her toe bones to powder. She wanted out of these clothes before her soul asphyxiated.

vaporizing his hand and most of his forearm in a flash, as if the Goddess of Justice herself had summoned a bolt of lightning and declared, ‘Enough! This limb shall sin no more!’

“Wait, really? And nobody sees the obvious flaw in that system?” “They see it, they just don’t care. But enough about America’s war on drugs.

Everything that happens matters only in terms of what you can learn from it going forward.”

“Psychopaths persist in the species because women find them attractive, thus breeding more psychopaths.”

If we start allowing truth and lies to be decided that way, society will … well, keep being exactly like it is.”

Then she had stormed out of the room and Echo eventually came after her and brought her a cupcake, which was incredibly demeaning and also worked.

“I don’t think I could find the Philippines on a map.” “Yes you could, the maps have all of the countries labeled. That’s literally what a map is for.”

“Never had any use for cats myself. Tell you what, when you watch his feed, notice that cats don’t meow when there are no people around, not even to each other. They only do it to us, that’s a sound they make to mimic a human baby’s cry, to get us to pay attention to them. I have enough people like that in my life already.”

“Dogs are too easy, they love anybody. A dog will love a stranger. A dog will love a log that sort of smells like a person.

Another couple was dressed as Jesus and Muhammad in fetish gear.

For the third time in two days, Zoey was trapped in a completely immobile metal box and surrounded by enemies. That was the kind of thing that used to almost never happen to her.

When push comes to shove, almost everyone complies.

“Of course I cannot know that, either, but I would daresay that your cat may be something of an asshole.”

John Dies at the End This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Touch It What the Hell Did I Just Read