Dirty Like Seth (Dirty, #3)

by Jaine Diamond

“You once said you’d have my back, when the time came.” “I say a lot of shit,” he admitted. “Not all of it smart.” “Then we have that in common.”

Last night, after we’d talked, Seth had asked me if I thought I could ever forgive him. I couldn’t really give him an answer, but not because I couldn’t forgive him. It had only started to become clear to me when I woke up this afternoon: I didn’t really believe in forgiveness. For a long time, after Jesse broke up with me, I wanted him to forgive me. I kept waiting for him to change his mind and ask me to get back together with him, and when that didn’t happen, I started hoping he’d forgive me for whatever I did that was so wrong. I even asked him, once, if he was ever going to do that. He’d looked completely stunned by the question. Because of course, there was nothing to forgive. It wasn’t like he was mad at me for what happened between us, for our relationship not working out. At first, I was kind of confused about that. How could I make amends with him if there was nothing to forgive? Maybe I magically wanted something to change, to make things better between us. But that wasn’t going to happen overnight. We’d shared an intimacy that, in the end, hadn’t worked for us, and now we had to live with it. His way of living with it was to move on—big time. For me, it had taken a lot longer. But as time passed, I’d come to the realization that I actually hadn’t done anything wrong in that relationship. I was just me, and that wasn’t what he wanted. I didn’t need anyone to forgive me for that. And I didn’t need to forgive Seth Brothers for being who he was. No matter how much ...

“You must’ve been pissed,” I said quietly. “Yeah, I fucking was. But mostly at myself. I still loved you guys.” His voice broke a bit when he said, “I always loved you.”

“I know you care about Ash…” “And so do you. That doesn’t mean either of us should feel guilty because we’re not in love with him.” I sighed again. Relieved that she understood me so well, and that she wasn’t upset about any of this. “I think I’m in love with you right now.” “Get on a plane,” she said. “I’ll show you a good time.”

“Is this a dream?” she murmured, breathily, and I could hear the smile in her words. “If it is,” I said, leaning in to kiss her again, “don’t wake me up.”

How many girls have you slept with?” “Angeline! Jesus Christ.” I jabbed her again. She ripped the fork from my hand beneath the table. “Honestly.” My mom threw up her hands. “Baby girl,” my dad warned. “What’s a good answer to that question?” Seth asked my sister. Angie used my fork to take a bite of her peach cobbler and considered. “How old are you?” “Twenty-nine,” Seth said. “Ever been married?” “No.” “Five,” my sister said. “Five’s a good answer. Not so many that you sound like a slut, but not so few you sound like a loser.” “Five it is, then,” Seth said.

“Elle,” he said, pausing just long enough from eating me out to meet my eyes, “if you’d given me the green light, back then, I would’ve fucked you in a hot minute.” Okay. That was turning me on…. “Really?” “Yes,” he mumbled, kissing his way back up my body, maybe mindful that I’d told him to hurry. “It would’ve lasted a hot minute, too. Lucky for you, you waited for me…” He kissed my breasts quickly, sucking each nipple into his mouth, rolling it around with his tongue, making me gasp and pretty much fucking purr. “Yeah,” I gushed, “…lucky for me, you learned a few moves over the years.” “You saying I’m good in bed?” He licked his lip, gazing down at me. As he braced himself above me, he smoothed his cock over my pussy, making me shiver. “You’re okay,” I lied. He thrust into me and I cried out, an ecstatic, ragged, feral sound. He clamped his hand over my mouth. “Shh,” he whispered. “Wouldn’t want your parents to hear how lousy I am in bed.”

We weren’t supposed to fall for each other… but we were. We both knew we were. I was falling for Seth Brothers, and he was falling for me… hard and fast.

“Before you go thinking I’m an asshole for whatever you just saw,” he said, “I married her. Last year, in Vegas.” I would’ve assumed he was fucking kidding me, but his cool blue eyes were dead serious. “No one knows about that, though.” “And that makes you less of an asshole?” I said. Zane burst out laughing.

“You know what’s really fucked up?” Elle spoke up, and we all looked over at her. She’d been sitting back, silent, just listening and watching us. Watching me. And my stomach twisted with dread. I had no idea how she was gonna feel about hearing all of this. “You’re all having a conversation about Jessa,” she said, “like she’s not even here. Just like you always did back then. News flash, guys: She’s not a little girl anymore.” “Amen,” muttered Maggie.

“We’ll talk to Brody,” he said, and this time, it meant everything to me. “Thank you.” I fought back tears as Zane hugged me, too. “Thank you,” Zane whispered in my ear. “For what?” “For bringing our boy back to us.” He slapped me on the back, kind of a man slap, but I was used to these from Zane, a guy who didn’t exactly know how to relate to women who wouldn’t fuck him.

“Maybe you don’t need a reason why you love someone,” I offered. “Yes, you do.” “Why do you love me?” Even as the words left my mouth, I was afraid to ask. Seth hadn’t told me he loved me yet. I just knew that he did. “Because,” he said, sliding his hands up to cup my face, “when I’m with you, I feel like myself. And somehow, when you look at me, I know that man is enough.” I slipped my arms around his waist and held him tight against me. “That’s because I love you, Seth.” Tears sparked in his gray-green eyes. “Why?” “Because… when I’m with you… I feel like everything’s going to be okay. Even when it’s not.” “I don’t know how I made you feel that way,” he said. “I never felt that myself, until right now.” “Now?” “Yeah,” he said, brushing his lips over mine. “Right now.”

“He? You’re having a—” “I don’t know. I don’t want to know.” She shrugged. “Brody wants to know, but I want to wait and find out when the baby pops into the world. Maybe it’s silly. It just seems more romantic to me.” “It’s not silly. But isn’t it killing you not knowing?” “Kind of. It’s killing Brody more, though. He’s managed to cope by deciding we’re having a boy.” “Why a boy?” “Because if we have a girl,” Brody said, strolling out onto the patio, “she’ll look like you.” He pulled Jessa into his arms. “And every little shit in the neighborhood is gonna start following her home when she’s fucking twelve, and I’m gonna have to start collecting guns.”

I could easily lose my shit and fuck her until she had a hard time walking out of here. But I was taking it slow, careful. Because another side effect of Elle being pregnant was that I was more than a little scared of hurting her. Or hurting the baby. “It’s like a fucking grape seed,” she panted, her fingernails digging into my ass as she struggled to pull me deeper. “It’s tiny, and you can’t hurt it. The doctor said so. It’s a grain of rice. A fucking lentil…” “Stop making me hungry…” I teased, kissing her neck as she panted in frustration beneath me. “You fucked the shit out of me the other night,” she complained, hissing her impatience through her teeth as I gave it to her slow. “You can do it again.” “I didn’t know you were pregnant when I did that.” “So? Pretend I’m not pregnant.” “But you are pregnant.” “Your dick doesn’t have to know that.” I laughed. “Seth…