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“You, Katie Bloom, are every fucking wet dream I had when I was a kid.”
“I’m having unprotected sex with a sex symbol who’s probably screwed his way coast to coast. Blood work or no, I’m crazy.” “You’re falling for him.”
“Maybe he’s falling for you, too.” “Don’t start putting that shit in my head.” “Katie…” “What?”
“But you know, no matter how real this is or isn’t, or how long it lasts, there’s only one thing that really matters,” my best friend said, from so far away. “Is he good to you?”
“Number four. Queen.” “Wrong.”
“Do you think they can see?”
“The more they see me loving you… the more they buy the music.”
And just like that…. total buzzkill. Libido kill. Mojo kill. Everything felt unreal.
I’ve canceled all my other shit so we can make today all about you.”
as of right now, it’s Katie Day.”
the voice coming through his cell was the voice of a woman.
the twenty-ninth was in a week; we’d be in L.A…. and all I could think was, Elle lives in L.A..
he’d maybe just had an argument with his ex-girlfriend that had left him looking really fucking sad, and I’d never felt so jealous in my life.
The truth was I’d had feelings for Jesse Mayes since about the time he showed up at my apartment unannounced and made me bacon and eggs.
he came up behind me and kissed my neck, and I blurted it out. “Maybe we shouldn’t have sex anymore.”
it just feels wrong, you know? Since you’re paying me.”
“Your oral fixation is just going to have to redirect. Can’t you take up smoking again?”
“I prefer cherry pie,”
And, yeah. In that moment, I knew it. There was no point denying it to myself anymore. I was in love with Jesse Mayes.
but I was really hoping I’d get to see more of Jesse today. It was my birthday, after all.
I kept hearing him on the phone with someone, a female someone, semi-arguing. And his mood took a nose-dive.
Soon enough I’d be out of sight, out of mind. But not to worry. There’d be lineups of warm female bodies just waiting to take my place.
And this wasn’t a real relationship. It wasn’t even a relationship. It was a business deal. With a time limit on it. A time limit that I, myself, had insisted on.
I knew I risked just getting more and more attached to Jesse the longer I stayed, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave him.
“Where is Jesse?”
“Is he with Elle?”
“I don’t think so, Katie.” His tone said he knew so,
“Recently one of my best friends fell in love.” He looked straight to the back of the room, to the love seat where Jesse sat next to me, and pointed straight at him. “Welcome to the motherfucking show, brother.”
Love Zane
With the opening notes, and definitely the opening words, I recognized the song. “Jessie’s Girl.”
I, Katie Bloom, was Jesse’s girl. More or less.
And that’s when I saw her. Elle. The one member of Dirty I hadn’t yet met. Jesse’s gorgeous ex-girlfriend.
“Jesse’s girl,” she said. But it wasn’t with any trace of the affection or good-natured ribbing with which Zane had sung it.
“You won’t last,” she said. “They never do.”
Elle can Choke 💖
Then I dropped my hand. I found my voice. “You mean, because you didn’t.”
I was totally in love with the guy, just like the world thought I was, but pretending to both him and myself that I wasn’t.
What better way to avoid breaking hearts than to never let anyone love you in the first place? Problem was, I did love him,
the words running through my head that I wouldn’t let leave my lips. I love you. I so fucking love you. He was still watching me, too. And if this wasn’t real, if none of this was real, it was going to shred me to pieces.
“Our mom died nine years ago this week,” he said. “It’s always a hard time for Jessa.”
“I’m afraid of Jessa turning into our dad. He killed himself when I was nine.”
HOLY COW
one of Elle and I at the show last night, and one of Katie and I, also from last night. The headline above the images read Bizarre Love Triangle.
“It’s not what it looks like.” What it looked like was Katie and her ex-fiancé tongue battling.
“Babe, it’s cool. You’re just taking it hard because it’s been an emotional twenty-four hours.”
“Try five weeks,”
“No, it wasn’t true, was it?”
“Except for one thing. You know, that thing about our relationship being fake. Oh, and that other thing about you hiring me.”
“It is fake,” she said. “It is fucking fake and none of this is worth it. None of it is worth this.”
“Katie. Calm the fuck down.” I followed her back to the bed where she smushed all her toiletries in with her clothes and jammed the suitcase shut.
“Things were never right between us, Jesse.”
“I can’t hack it, Jesse. You said if I couldn’t hack it, you’d let me go.” “That was before.” “Before what?”
She was giving me that chance. To say something meaningful. Before I got to know you. Before I started to care. Before I figured out that I couldn’t stand to lose you.
