“This is the thing I blame myself most for,” she said. “It was completely transactional. It was not a relationship.” Nevils told friends at the time that she felt trapped. Lauer’s position of authority—over both her and her boyfriend, whose brother worked for Lauer—made her feel unable to say no. She said that, in the first weeks after the alleged assault, she attempted to convey that she was comfortable and even enthusiastic about the encounters. She even tried to convince herself of the same. She readily admitted that her communications with Lauer might have appeared friendly and obliging.
