This Won't End Well

by Camille Pagán

But now it seems as though just because I don’t drive around town in a minivan and count the hours in espresso shots until wine o’clock arrives, she can’t relate to me.

Feelings are not facts.

I’ve grown a bit bored since leaving SCI, and have found myself gravitating toward activities I would normally eschew

optimistic assumptions are the fastest way to become deeply disillusioned by human nature. Best to anticipate the worst and then enjoy the momentary satisfaction of having your predictions pan out.

almost every behavior and thought is soon revealed to be part of a pattern.

I haven’t been thinking about next steps, because doing so causes me immense stress.

“Not unhappy is not the same thing as being happy, you know.”

that’s why I needed to do this alone—to see who I was when no one else was around,

a woman must have money of her own in order to feel at peace.)

You say “trust me,” but every time I trust someone, it backfires and even more trouble comes flying my way.

every time I think I’m starting to get my footing, the ground shifts beneath me again.

entirely too easy to become wrapped up in the details of someone else’s.

“People make mistakes. Sometimes you just need to stay hopeful and give it time.”

‘What is coming is better than what has gone.’”

This is the problem with making a habit of a person: all of the neural pathways he has carved remain long after he’s gone.

There are days, many in fact, when I remain convinced that women cannot win. We ask for equal pay and a seat at the table, and instead we’re handed control-top pantyhose and pink wine with cupcakes on the label.

I feel like I was too optimistic. I think of myself as a realistic person, yet I was so busy believing life would stay on track that I missed major warning signs about how far off the rails it was all about to go,”

See, that’s the thing. I have no idea what’s right anymore.”

life is to be lived.

But what I didn’t say is that I’m not sure I want to be changed any more than I’ve already been forced to.

It’s about dressing to please yourself,”

It’s time to start owning your space.

People make bad choices in spite of what you do—not because of it.”

Pheromones have a way of taking over rational thought,

maybe time doesn’t so much heal wounds as weaken one’s convictions.

“Haven’t you ever wanted something so badly you were afraid of it?” I stared at him, unsure of what he was trying to say. “Afraid of what?” “Of it not being what you dreamed of. Or worse, being exactly what you dreamed of. Because then what do you have to hope for?”

Life is too short to be living the story someone else has told about you.”

But it’s good to have something to think about—something productive and within my control.

“Emotions can be messy, Annie, but that doesn’t mean you should run from them.”

It’s okay to change your mind,

Just saying this out loud was an incredible weight off my chest.

Every silver lining has its cloud.”