Every day I play out the “if . . . then” game with myself. If I impress the editors, then I will get the raise. If I get a raise, then I will stay at this job. If I move to the middle of nowhere, then I will have no leverage. If I get my raise before I move, then they can’t take it back. If I stay at this job, then I might hate myself. If I leave this job, then I might also hate myself, plus no money. If I don’t move wherever J goes, then I am abandoning him. If I abandon him, then all I will have is this shit job. If all I have is this shit job and no raise, then I might as well follow him
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