You're Not Enough (and That's Ok): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love

by Allie Beth Stuckey

the self can’t be both our problem and our solution.

motherhood is subtly depicted as something that happened to us rather than something we chose and that God graciously gave us. The

Once we realize just how not perfect we are, and how little self-discovery contributes to our fulfillment, we begin to see just how unreliable we are as masters of our own fate and rulers of our lives.

While all valid feelings are real, not all real feelings are valid.

Only in order to glorify him, not in order to worship ourselves.

Humans were created to reap what we sow and harvest what we cultivate.

2 Thessalonians 3:11‒12 warns against the sin of idleness and commends us to work for what we have. We are to steward our earnings as “cheerful giver[s],” as 2 Corinthians 9:7 says, so we can help those who need it. Work is ordained, work is necessary, and work matters.

When we aren’t contributing to society, we have the tendency to grow depressed and listless.

God still commands us to work heartily, not for earthly recognition or success, but for him.

Maybe your dreams have nothing to do with a job. Maybe your dream is to be a wife and mom. While these responsibilities matter immensely and will bring you joy, even these can’t fill you completely. No person and no role can replace the longing our Creator alone can meet.

As C. S. Lewis points out The Weight of Glory: “In our own case we accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough.” We’re quick to justify our actions, even while condemning the same action done by others. That’s how fiercely—and blindly—we love ourselves.

Contradicting everything our culture tells us, it turns out the prerequisite for real love is self-forgetfulness, not self-love.

Philippians 2:3‒4 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

or we think we need to commit to self-improvement first, three things happen: we disobey God by ignoring people’s needs, people’s needs go unmet, and we miss out on life-giving, empathy-building experiences that make us more like Christ.

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