In an Instant

by Suzanne Redfearn

Regret is a tough emotion to live with, impossible to move on from, because what’s done is done. Only delusion can protect you from it, somehow altering history into something easier to accept, and my mom is not capable of delusion.

“I mean, I get it,” Mo says as her own eyes fill. “People die. And I get that I’m still here and that life goes on, and that eventually the hole will get smaller. At least that’s what everyone keeps saying.”

Don’t just try to be happy when you think of me—be happy. Look at the ocean and smile. Inhale the scent and celebrate. Remember me. Remember that I was never sad for more than a day, rarely for more than an hour. Remember the amazing times we had and what a goofball I was. Remember that I was scared of anything with more than four legs but fearless of adventure. Remember. Carry me inside you as a light that brightens your world and makes everything better. I don’t want to be a void, a hole, a shadow. REMEMBER ME!

Boredom and emotion lead to irritation and frustration, which, when combined with testosterone, is highly combustible and leads to irrational action, world wars, and mass destruction.

We existed around each other in our own worlds, like those screen saver balls that intermittently touch before ricocheting and bouncing off each other, affecting each other’s momentum but never really paying attention to one another.