Ducks, Newburyport

by Lucy Ellmann

the fact that your life isn’t guaranteed, the fact that behind every door there could be somebody sitting up all day and night, holding a gun, ready to shoot you for crossing their lawn, or asking directions, “Knock, knock,” “Who’s there?”,

sometimes what they bring home is plastic, because that’s all that’s in the oceans now, along with turtles with their waists squinched by plastic rings for holding six-packs, the fact that a turtle with a waist,

sometimes it makes me a bit crazee to have to contemplate all these disasters on my own, the fact that I think that’s why people invented languages, so they wouldn’t feel all alone with their terror, the fact that, I mean, we’re all so terrified, who needs terrorists, the fact that the terror of being alone is enough to floor you, never mind the fear of mortality, fear of failure, the fact that, heck, just the medical bills have me cowed, without suicide bombers and school shooters muscling in, the fact that everybody’s life is bound to go wrong eventually, because we all pass away, me, Leo, the kids, Mommy, Abby, ISIS terrorists, everybody, and that’s the worst thing that could possibly happen, that you disappear off the face of the earth, the fact that the worst thing that can happen happens every time, eventually, to everybody,

the fact that what is going on with people, the fact that you lose a family member in a shooting and all the other shooters in the country pile on and threaten you with death, the fact that everybody hates on you, just for mentioning your loved one got shot, and for not immediately shooting the shooter back, the fact that it’s almost like we’re in a war or something, the fact that everybody just seems to bear a big grudge about something or other that they’re ready to kill and die for, the fact that what ever happened to gentleness, kindliness, the fact that does life have to be like this, so black and white, lemon meringue pie, landfill, radioactive waste, Aurora shooting, aurora borealis, Littleton, Orlando, Pulse nightclub, Fort Hood, Texas, Carthage, Virginia Tech,