Ducks, Newburyport

by Lucy Ellmann

the fact that Mommy passed on when I was in my thirties, twelve years ago now, the fact that she left me, the fact that I can’t bear to even think about all her health problems, the fact that it’s best not to think about it, best to block them out like most other things, like my swimming classes, the fact that that is really all I do all day, the fact that instead of caring for my kids, or Leo, or myself, and loving my customers, all I do is go around in circles trying not to think about my mom, 6 Kinds Of Dizziness, the fact that maybe everybody does that, but look at me spinning around in circles to make my spiraling pastries while I myself spiral out of control like a whirling dervish or whatever, and at the center of the vortex is always Mommy, tornado, waterspout, dust devil, the fact that moms are at the center of everything of course, motherland, mother nature, mother tongue, Mother Goose, mother vinegar, Mommy, mama, so why should my mom be any different,