Ducks, Newburyport

by Lucy Ellmann

the fact that Ben says everybody on earth will soon be starving or suffocating or dying of SARS or Ebola or H5N1, the fact that H5N1 only has to mutate a few more times and we’re all goners,

the best way to get through stuff you don’t want to do, I’ve decided, is to pretend it’s not really you doing it, like you’re just temporarily inside somebody else’s body that this is all happening to,

the fact that sometimes it feels like this whole country’s got Stockholm Syndrome, like we’re all held prisoner,

the fact that what is with this constant monologue in my head, the fact that why am I telling myself all this stuff, since I know it already, the fact that I knew it all before I said it to myself, because I’M ME,

the fact that all life forms emerged from mush and will probably turn back into mush pretty soon, especially if everybody carries on voting Republican,

Leo calls Play-Doh an amorphous solid, which is kind of exactly how I feel after a whole day alone here,

the fact that L. Frank Baum wanted to exterminate all the Indians, which kind of puts you off The Wizard of Oz, but I guess, just because you write children’s books doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the nicest person in the world,

the fact that now Ben tells me bird flu only has to mutate a few more times to cause a global pandemic like Spanish flu and that, if that happens, civilization will grind to a halt within a year,

the fact that Ben tells me all these things first thing in the morning, so many things about Pluto, or least weasels, or the latest creature to go extinct, or Steve the gas ribbon, and then I don’t know what to do with myself for the rest of the day, the fact that he tells me the oceans are acidifying or something and then goes off to school and thinks about something else, while I worry and worry about the oceans, or Steve, or least weasels,

the fact that Trump is always scared somebody’s poisoning his food, and that’s why he eats takeout all the time, and McDonald’s cheeseburgers, because he thinks that can’t have been tampered with, Roman emperors, the fact that who does he think is poisoning his food at the White House, the fact that is it Melania, the fact that that strange man seems to have gone now, the guy that was near our driveway, not Trump,

funnel, the fact that at least if they’re your own eggs, you know they’re free range and the hens didn’t suffer, since you can see them not suffering right out the window,

the fact that the police forcibly removed some disabled protesters inside some building in Washington, Congress, the fact that they were protesting against plans to abolish Obamacare,

I read this part the day Trump's supporters stormed the Capitol and police did nothing to stop them

Ronny started a whole nother subject related to local or national news or Trump’s Twitter habit,

Lol I read this bit on the day Trump got kicked off Twitter for good

the fact that I just realized that when this monologue in my head finally stops, I’ll be dead, or at least totally unconscious, like a vegetable or something,

Cheyenne Diner,

I miss that place

the fact that there was a school shooting scare in Pittsburgh, that didn’t come to anything in the end, and when they interviewed some of the moms after it was all over, the moms were all smiling, the fact that they said they were glad that god and the police will protect their kids from school shooters, gug, the fact that actually god and the police fail thirty thousand Americans a year, and nobody saves you from the medical bills, the fact that first you’re crippled by a bullet and then by what it costs to fish it out,

the fact that maybe it’s just frustration over all the curfews and closures and no closure,

The lion presaged COVID, oddly

the fact that once, when we were kids, Mommy told Ethan to put on his hat, and Ethan said “JFK never wore a hat,” the fact that I said “And look what happened to him,” and everybody turned to me, surprised, and laughed,

the fact that when people want to downplay killing they call it culling, the numbness of muted beings,

the fact that they’re digitizing all the books in the world, and Leo says we’ll be left with incomplete books full of errors, that people can alter whenever they feel like it,

I've reported two minor typos to Amazon while reading this book, lol