Nervous Conditions

by Tsitsi Dangarembga

‘This business of womanhood is a heavy burden,’ she said. ‘How could it not be?

It was up to them to learn the important lesson that circumstances were not immutable, no burden so binding that it could not be dropped.

with Babamukuru condemning Nyasha to whoredom, making her a victim of her femaleness, just as I had felt victimised at home in the days when Nhamo went to school and I grew my maize. The victimisation, I saw, was universal. It didn’t depend on poverty, on lack of education or on tradition. It didn’t depend on any of the things I had thought it depended on. Men took it everywhere with them. Eyen heroes like Babamukuru did it. And that was the problem.

But what I didn’t like was the way all the conflicts came back to this question of femaleness. Femaleness as opposed and inferior to maleness.

But when you’ve seen different things you want to be sure you’re adjusting to the right thing. You can’t go on all the time being whatever’s necessary. You’ve got to have some conviction,

What I admired most about her was her capacity to forgive herself.

the thoughts would creep back in such hazy disguises that they did not startle me into pushing them away but could linger and chip away at my defences, leaving me anxious and sleepless without knowing exactly why.

I very much would like to belong, Tambu, but I find I do not.

When you’re afraid of something it doesn’t help to have people who know more than you do come out and tell you you’re quite right.