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And in Scotland, a dog is often called a dug. Regardless of how it’s spelled, they are all good dugs.
Rammy is a noun that means fracas or brouhaha. Gallus is an adjective that means stylish and impressive.
Deid apprentices tend to tarnish a man’s reputation after a while. I’m beginning to wonder when mine will be beyond repair. Fergus was crushed by a poorly tossed caber at the Highland Games.
Abigail’s parachute didn’t open when she went skydiving. Beatrice was an amateur mycologist and swallowed poison mushrooms. Ramsey was run over by American tourists driving on the wrong bloody side of the road. Nigel went to Toronto on holiday and got his skull cracked by a hockey puck. Alice was stabbed in a spot of bother with some football hooligans.
Sigil of Porous Mind,
Sigil of Certain Authority,
Sigil of Quick Compliance, should goad him to agree
I snatched a sheet of stationery and selected an Aurora 88 pen from my coat pocket. It was presently filled with a rust-colored ink using cinnabar for the pigment and a varnish infused with ground pearls, fish glue, and the vitreous jelly of owl
Live long enough and people from your past will echo, calling back to you years after they have left you behind.
“Oh, no, Al, ye lost another one? Poor Gordie! What happened this time—oh, ya daft shite. Raisins! What a senseless way tae go tits up.”
I couldn’t speak very long with anyone with whom I wished to continue having a relationship. After a few days they would begin to hate me, and more so with every sentence I uttered.
“I write and enforce magical contracts using sigils, which are symbols infused with power that can do some remarkable stuff. The enforcement part’s where all the fun is. Would ye like a demonstration?” “Ye mean like card tricks?”
By lifting a saw blade, I revealed a small intercom speaker with a call button. I pressed it and a voice demanded a password, which changed weekly and Saxon sent to me via Signal’s encrypted text. It was always some combination of an adjective followed by a food noun.
Complacent Taco. [Urgent Cake,] I had
“I am a fool and a failure.” [Naw, you’re a hobgoblin on a Wednesday.] Buck looked up at me, unable to tell if that was absolution or condemnation.
“Are ye sayin’ there are man-eating arseholes on earth? Like, just arseholes, unconnected tae anything, roaming around and eating people?” [It does seem that way sometimes, but I was speaking metaphorically.]
Am I supposed to be Frodo or something? You telling me the One Ring is in that stuff? What? No. Just asking, boss. The shite you get into tends to be either deep or weird or both.
“Yeah? Who?” [Librarians.] “Ohhh, aye. I’ve heard o’ them too. They always know where the secret room is with the treasure in it. They like tae go plumbing in there, if ye know what I mean.” [I don’t know what stories you’ve been hearing in Tír na nÓg, but that’s not what a librarian does. And neither do plumbers.]
lost my wife to an auto accident when we were fifty. I’ve been dangling ever since.
I have anything close to a modern-day superpower, it is this: I cannot be surveilled in the surveillance state unless I allow it. The police therefore have no footage of me from yesterday walking into Gordie’s building or out of it, nor of Nadia arriving and then departing with a bag of stolen inks and pens.
[Found out that Bastille is definitely doing something to the Fae. Juicing them up somehow, like steroids but more permanent. Augmenting them.]
use carrots or sticks or both tae make ’em work, but regardless it’s gonnay be, Let’s go, lab coats, we have work tae do, your country needs ye, et cetera.” [Why can’t it be an evil-industrialist type?] “All kinds of reasons. Ye’ve seen too many Bond films. Look, if ye’re a billionaire oligarch, ye already rule the world, in the sense that ye can go anywhere and do anything ye want. It’s complete freedom. Ye
We crept forward together. Judging by the snuffles and Buck’s counting of noses near the floor, there were three barghests in the bathroom.
“I’m no talkin’ about falling tae mischance. This is different. This is Rosencrantz and Guildenstern being targeted and having no help for it. They can sense there’s a big wheel about to roll over them, but they cannae get out of the way. And I feel like that is ma situation here.” Brighid had been right: Buck was a rare hobgoblin. They weren’t usually so self-aware.
skyr. It’s higher in protein and lower in sugar. It’s got a wicked smooth mouthfeel.” “The fuck are ye on about mouthfeel for? It’s not a gourmet-coffee tasting profile.” “Mouthfeel is a part of everything ye eat, ya cow. There’s taste and smell, aye, but there’s also a tactile component tae eating that most people ignore, and they shouldnae.” “So if I’m no thinking about ma yogurt’s mouthfeel,
A mountainous brown-bearded man, obviously his muscle, stood behind him. Georgy moved and talked fast, like he’d sprinkled his morning muffin with a dollop of fruit compote and a kilo of cocaine.
They were not prepared for this, but Dhanya recovered quickly. She spread her arms in front of Nadia and said, “Oi! Back off and fuck off. It wasn’t a fluke and she’s got a girlfriend. That’s all. Give her some space, ya bawbags!”
and we leave him whisky and cheese. Melt the cheese intae fondue.” “Awright. So it’s like worshipping a god ye made up?” “Right. Because let’s be real, Al: All the gods are made up. The rituals we practice are more important to us than the actual deities, in’t they? Gods never do shite as far as I can tell. But rituals and ceremony are powerful things to us. They get things done.”
But it was clear that Nadia knew what she liked, and she had the imagination and the personal courage to surround herself unapologetically
with that which amused her.
The answer sat before me, wagging his tail: He survived because of a very good dug named Oberon. Dugs are beings of pure love and devotion and broadcast hope to those of us who have only memories of such things, for they demonstrate by their existence that love and devotion still walk
abroad in the world, and therefore it’s worthwhile to live in it.
Whenever someone shoulders past me or cuts me off, I feel like rooting for them instead of getting angry, and I hope they’re able to make it to the toilet before disaster strikes. I cheer for the steadfastness of their sphincters and wish them long life and clean underwear. People think I am patient, but not really; I just get it. We are ruled by our bladders and bowels. There was no one waiting for us when we got off the plane, and Buck relaxed a tiny bit at that, but then he was anxious to return home
have that will inside ma breast. Because I swear tae ye the light of her smile warmed me more than the sun ever did. Even the memory of it is proof against the cold. And so I wonder, Clíodhna.”
And if I am gonnay get got, I don’t want it tae be out here tryin’ tae keep ma shorts clean with cowardice. So let’s go, old man. Once more untae the breach, as that English bastard Henry said.”
“I cannae tell how big this pond is. And there’s no anything much here at the bottom of the steps. A tiny beach and then it’s a spooky Gollum grotto, in’t it? If undines turn out tae be lamp-eyed motherfuckers eating raw fish and talking about their Precious, I want another raise.”
Though I had no guarantee of any new information coming soon. Saxon Codpiece hadn’t yet returned, and there was no way of knowing when or even if he’d be back. I imagined he’d wait until everyone thought he was dead and then return with dyed hair, a new wardrobe, and a new ridiculous alias, like Angus Crotchpot or Wallace Hungwell.
subscribe to the theory that answers cannot hide from us forever if we seek them long enough.
“A toast! Tae inks and sigils and straight razors, tae good bosses and wizards on lizards, tae outsmarting evil when ye can and kicking its arse when ye cannae do that,
and tae distillers of fine spirits everywhere. Sláinte!” I treasure such fleeting moments as that, little beacons of pure joy and contentment that last for a few seconds before passing into memory. They’re always worth living and working for.
