Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing

by Bronnie Ware

Once we acknowledge that limited time is remaining, although we don’t know if that is years, weeks or hours, we are less driven by ego or by what other people think. Instead, we are more driven by what our hearts truly want.

Surrender is not giving up, far from it. Surrender takes an enormous amount of courage.

Often we are only capable of doing so when the pain of trying to control the outcome becomes too much to bear.

Reaching that point is actually liberating, even if it is not fun. Being able to accept that there is absolutely nothing more you can do, other than hand it over to the greater fo...

Dignity disappears into the past forever when you are terminally ill.

Of all of the regrets and lessons shared with me as I sat beside their beds, the regret of not having lived a life true to themselves was the most common of all. It was also the one that caused the most frustration, as the client’s realisation came too late.

In other words, the longing to avoid pain is stronger than the yearning for pleasure. So it is often only when the pain becomes too much that we finally find the courage to make changes.

Learning to view life compassionately, and accept that I may never have the understanding or loving relationships I had once yearned for, was liberating. It transformed my life on so many levels. Knowing the ongoing pain of my own healing, I accepted that not everyone has the courage to face his or her past, at least not until it becomes unbearable.

compassion starts with yourself.

It was really only the desire to be loved, accepted and understood by each other that truly fuelled the pain in us all.

It was time to do things differently. It was time to choose a different way, to speak up and say ‘enough’. I wasn’t willing to tolerate the same patterns anymore. Even if it turned out lonelier for me, at least it could lead to peace. The other path certainly wouldn’t.

We discussed how the only way to experience love is to accept people for who they are and have no expectations of them. While it may be much easier said than done, it was the most loving approach possible.

‘Live true to your own heart, darling. Don’t ever worry what others think.

We all have trappings we need to free ourselves from. Most of them are not physical ones and if they are, it is likely they originated from non-physical trappings, such as unhealthy thinking and negative belief systems.

‘It’s just that the chase for more, and the need to be recognised through our achievements and belongings, can hinder us from the real things, like time with those we love, time doing things we love ourselves, and balance.

Don’t create a life where you are going to regret working too hard.

So the best way to make the most out of life is to appreciate the gift of it, and choose not to be a victim.’

self-forgiveness was a much healthier state than regret,

None of us ever know when it will be too late. Tell people you love them. Tell them you appreciate them. If they can’t accept your honesty or react in a different way to how you hoped, it doesn’t matter. What matters is you have told them.’

It wasn’t an attack on the friend, just me sharing what I was feeling about the expectation for me to make all of the effort for our visits, and the imbalance I felt was happening.

We had been friends for a long time. I was sure honesty would get us through. It didn’t. It just showed me it was only history and habit that had been holding us together for a long time.

But to be in any sort of relationship where you do not express yourself, simply to keep the peace, is a relationship ruled by one person and will never be balanced or healthy.

Assuming others know how you feel and that you will always be there are high risks to take.

the only real way to heal is to let love flow in and through again, not to block it out, but reaching that point can take a long time.

‘Don’t lose touch with the friends you value most, Bronnie. Those who accept you as you are, and who know you very well, are worth more than anything in the end.

‘Because happiness is a choice, Rosemary, and one I try to make every day.