Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing

by Bronnie Ware

It is human nature to find the strength needed to avoid further pain, long before we actually bless ourselves with pleasure. In other words, the longing to avoid pain is stronger than the yearning for pleasure. So it is often only when the pain becomes too much that we finally find the courage to make changes.

The pain I had accepted from others had been their own suffering projected onto me. Happy people don’t treat other people that way, nor do they judge others for living a life true to his or her self. If anything, they respect it. Recognising the pain carried into my generation from previous ones, I had the choice to break free of it in my own life. I was never going to be able to control another and had no desire to. People change because they want to and when they are ready. Learning

We discussed how the only way to experience love is to accept people for who they are and have no expectations of them. While it may be much easier said than done, it was the most loving approach possible.

‘Live true to your own heart, darling. Don’t ever worry what others think.

We are all fairly malleable, bendable creatures. While we have the choice to think for ourselves and free will to live the way our hearts desire, our environment has a huge effect on us all, particularly when we start choosing life from a more conscious perspective.

Anthony had grown old before his time. While he was still at least thirty years younger than most of the other residents, he fitted right in. He was a product of his environment. Watching this lovely man’s light fade offered me another reminder about how important having courage is, in order to live the life your heart desires.

Due to a total lack of effort, he had created no opportunities to improve or change. Failure was not about whether he would have been successful or not in whatever he tried. Just having a go would have been a success in itself. Anthony’s biggest failure lay in becoming a complete product of his environment, lacking any desire to challenge himself and potentially improve his life.

When my nerves would kick in or when negative thoughts surfaced, like What on earth did I think I was doing up there?, I would return to my meditation practice mid-song. I didn’t actually stop the song or sit on the stage in the lotus position. The singing would continue, as would my guitar playing, but I would change my focus to the breath, observing it going in and out. All the while I would put total trust in my muscle memory, that it would remember where to put my fingers on the guitar and that the words would continue to flow. It was my breath I had to focus on at that moment. This worked incredibly well, as it calmed me down enough to return to the song with better expression and more presence.

People don’t always realise the joy they bring to others.

The topic of living simply became more of an important issue for Charlie, as his days wore on. He said people work too hard for all sorts of reasons. Often they think there is no choice, because they cannot get off the wheel of routine with bills and supporting their family. Charlie understood this. He agreed that survival is a genuine challenge for many people, but insisted there were always choices. ‘It is a matter of changing your perspective sometimes. Do we really need to live in a house this big? Do we need such a flashy car?’ he asked. As he said, sometimes it was more a matter of changing their thinking and finding a new solution, thinking hard about what they love and working as a family towards finding more balance.

Community was also a way towards simplicity, Charlie explained. If we work together as a community, we don’t need as many resources. There is less waste and we learn to help each other out. Ego and pride stop many communities from ever being born or developed. If we want to live more simply and resourcefully, it is important to start understanding the huge importance and need of community in the area we live in. He was sad that times had become so fast and unbalanced that we had forgotten this.

‘Children are happier having more time with their parents than having more toys. They may complain at first, but the happiest children are those who get quality time with their parents—both parents if possible. Young boys also need more male influence.