“You mean Derek? He’s actually my cousin.” My asshole cousin who has currently abandoned me… “On your mother’s or father’s side?” “Umm… my father’s,” I answer, not wanting to go into the whole his-mom-married-my-uncle-when-he-was-ten spiel. “Then it doesn’t count.” Did she just say it doesn’t count? I have no words. “It only counts if it’s on your mother’s side.”
