Beautifully Broken Control (Sutter Lake #4)

by Catherine Cowles

Even on the worst days, there’s something to be grateful for.”

But, one day, it will change. Life is a cycle. It ebbs and flows.”

“There are moments that are so hard, you’ll think they’ve broken you, and you’ll never recover. But it’s those moments that make you appreciate the goodness, the sweetness, something so beautiful it will almost seem painful to take it all in.” Jensen slowed her hand’s path, pausing, pressing her fingertips into my shoulder. “But there’s one thing I know for sure. The kind of guilt you’ve been feeling, it’s nothing but a lie. As women, we take so much on. It’s one of our gifts, to feel what others do, and deeply. It’s a gift to be able to sit in those emotions with another, to hold it with them. To feel what others experience and have it spur you to make changes in the world. I see that in you. But you can’t take it all on. You have to let it pass through you. Kennedy, you can’t hold the pain of the whole world. You’ll drown under the weight.

A smile curved my lips. That was the ultimate gift, to have someone know you, all of you, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful, and love you because of the unique mix it all made. I just wished Cain could see that I wanted to give him the same.

That was never you, you could never fit into some small sliver of my life, you snuck into every last piece of it. The scent of you lingers in every room, your touch burns my skin long after you take your hand away. You crawled into my fucking heart, and I know I’ll never get you out. I never want to try. I love you, Kennedy. And I’ll work for the rest of my life to atone for hurting you. I’ll tell you every last detail of my past. Show you any picture you want. Take out every last skeleton. You have me. All of me. Even the demons.”

“There’s nothing in this life I’m more grateful for than you.”