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Ledger arches a dark brow, and the pleasant expression on his face highlights how attractive he is. I peed in front of this could’ve-been-a-GQ model. Wonderful
“You must not be a big reader.” “Why do you say that?” “Because an avid reader can’t pick just one favorite.”
I glance across the room. With his eyes closed, his prominent jawline relaxed, Ledger lies asleep, his profile outlined by the gray background. My lips curve up as I curl into the wall. I helped him fall asleep.
I don’t put my arm around Maeve, though that’s my first instinct. There are no comforting words to share. All I do is sit and breathe with her. She’s not alone. We’re not alone. And that’s the only consolation in this realm of hell.
I tuck her into my arms. “I’ll never let him take you again.”
Somehow, even though I’m aware I’m not alone, having her nearer makes me feel less lonely. Her quiet, even breaths soothe me in a way I didn’t realize I needed. They speak to the restless, fearful part of my heart. Exhaling calm, inhaling my worry. She’s here. And so am I.
“C’mon, Goldie.” I reach for her dulled yellow strands. “Shine for me again.”
Please tell me what about all of that is worth living for?” Ledger’s throat bobs with a heavy swallow. “For me. If not for you, do it for me. I mean… I’m not ready to give up, but I will without you.”
“I just want this to be over. With Ashton gone, I might as well be gone.” “No. Don’t talk like that. Never talk like that.” He shifts closer to me, his knees nudging my thigh with a ferocity in his eyes I’ve never seen. “We’re making it out of here alive. We’ve made it this long. We’re not giving up now. Giving up is for cowards. We’re not cowards, Goldie.”
“You’re strong, Maeve Campbell. I’ve seen it. Every day you survive. You can and will stand on your own. This feels unbearable. I get it. I’m here with you. I understand, but we are more than this. He can break a lot of things, but he will not break us. We’re not brittle. He cannot take our resilience.”
“Ledger?” “Yeah.” “Will you hold my hand?”
The ruffle of his clothes gives away his advancing footsteps until he’s at my side, sliding down the wall. His fingers graze my knee first until I reach out and find his searching hand. He squeezes before interlocking our fingers. With one deep exhale, I realize his physical touch helps me breathe easier. I’m not alone. He’s here. I have Ledger. “Thank you,” I whisper. One brush of his thumb against the back of my hand, and then another. A new tingle jolts my veins. “Anytime, Goldie.”
☹️😭
“I’m not going to make it out of this sane.” A choked whisper. “You are because I’m here. I’m here. You have my voice.” His breath washes across my skin. “My touch.” His hand brushes my arm, my neck, before finding my jaw, cradling me. “My heartbeat.” Ledger locates my hand and holds my palm over his chest. “You feel that? I’m alive. You’re alive. We haven’t disappeared yet. Not even the darkness can take us.”
“Oh, Ledger Abbott. If I had to be kidnapped and tortured with a stranger, I’m glad it’s you.” You, too, Goldie.
Every day without Becca, my heart struggles for beats. But somehow, when I wake and remember she’s gone, the sight of Maeve keeps blood pumping through my veins. Maeve is my life support. And when she bleeds, so do I.
Maybe it’s an unconscious move, but he strokes my knuckles, never breaking our stare.
“I could never be annoyed by you, Goldie. And if you weren’t with me, I’d surrender to death.”
“Every day that passes I sense a part of myself vanish. Who knows how much longer we have, but by the end, I’ll be nothing but a void.” “It’s impossible for you to be a void, Maeve. There’s too much fight in you.”
“Maeve, you’ve spent a hundred days in captivity and you’ve survived some of the most torturous physical and mental games. And still, when you look at me, there’s a flicker of light. I see you, Goldie.” A mirthless laugh slips out. “It’s funny. I was going to say the same about you.”
“Ledger.” “Just look at me.” I nudge her nose with mine, locking our eyes, even as my fingers tug blindly. “Breathe in and out. In. And out. I’m right here. We’re in this together. No matter what. I’m here with you. I’m with you, Goldie.”
“If this is the end, I’m grateful it was you with me and not someone else. It could’ve been anyone else, but it was you, Ledger. It was you. And that’s the one beautiful thing in this endless nightmare.”
“Maeve, I…” I what? Love her? I can’t love her. She’s not my wife. She’s a woman I’ve been held captive with for a half a year.
I press my forehead against hers, my hand rising from the small of her back to the nape of her neck. “I wouldn’t have wanted it to be anyone else but you.”
“A handsy cellmate is the least of my problems.” “Is that all I am to you?” I tease and tug her into my lap. “A cellmate?” Burrowing into my chest, she tucks her arms against herself, and I gather her in mine, resting my head to the crown of hers. When all is quiet, Maeve whispers, “You know you’re more.”
Ledger nudges my knee. “Eyes on me, Goldie,” he whispers. “It’s just you and me.”
“You’re alive, Maeve. We’re alive.”
“So forgive me, Goldie, because since the moment I saw you I’ve had to do everything in my power to ignore how beautiful you are. It’s half the reason I was such a jerk. I was pissed you were so beautiful and there was nothing I could do to get away from you.” The bob of his throat draws my eyes. “I’m sorry I’m not a better man, a blind man. I’m human. Just… Even in our current state, never doubt your beauty. Inside and out.”
The ventricles of my heart pump. In order for my body to function, of course they do. But this is the only beat of my heart I’ve felt. It beats anew for the first time. For Ledger.
I’m hyperventilating. I can’t breathe. Calm down, Maeve. You have to calm down. Breathe. I can’t. Not without Ledger. Ledger. What would he say to me? How would he try to comfort me? I imagine his hand circling my back in soothing strokes, his soft yet gruff voice in my ear. His other hand linking with my fingers, tugging me into the warmth of his side. The lack of human touch is unhinging every organ. Heart racing, lungs accelerating, muscles tensing, blood pressure skyrocketing. Anxiety is my new best friend.
Is this what dying feels like? I stopped counting meals and buckets. Nothing is worth counting without her.
If she’s gone, that’s it for me. I’m done. I can’t take anymore without Maeve.
My second set of lungs, my second heart. My life support. Taking her waist in my arms, I hoist her up with every ounce of strength I have left. I’ve never hugged a human being so tight, but she’s still not close enough. Burying my face in the crook of her neck, I breathe her in. Cheap soap and Maeve. With that one inhale, my chest swells with fresh oxygen.
“I thought for sure this was where we were going to end,” she whispers. “Apart. I was so close to fading away.” I take her slim cheek in my hand, leaning my forehead against hers. “Don’t disappear on me now, Goldie. I need you.” “I’m here. I’m still here.”
“How do you do it?” I whisper. “How do you find the will to live after everything?” Swiveling his head, he peers into my eyes. “I live for them, Maeve. Because they can’t. I live for them.” Ugh. This man. This beautiful-souled man. What will this world be like without you?
Holding his stare, I say, “I grew up on Rosewood Lane. I love ’90s rap. And if we happen to get out of here alive, I’ll be able to live without you.” Ledger’s gaze deepens and flares. Even though we’ve gone to hell and back together, he’s given me light when there has been none. Functioning in the outside world without him would be near impossible. Good thing we’ll never find out. He licks his chapped lips, intense yet soft green eyes roaming my face. “My name is Ledger Abbott. I’ve been held captive by a madman for what feels like a lifetime. And I’m not in love with you.”
cRYIFNRBNANEHDNDNJE
“I should’ve done this a long time ago.” And then he kisses me.
“In another life.” Our mouths meet once again as Ledger lowers us to our sides on the ground, pulling me close with one last peck before tucking my head beneath his. If we don’t wake up in the morning, at least his arms will be the last thing I’ll feel. He whispers into the void. “I still love you in this life, Goldie.”
THIS IS NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY
“I’d choose Maeve.”
people died
going to make it through another day. We need to accept that. Her thumb traces my mouth. “And if I haven’t told you yet, you need to know. I love you.” Fighting a low laugh, a huff escapes my nose. “You haven’t, but I already know.” I cradle the sides of her head and bring our foreheads together, grazing the end of her nose with mine. “We’ve come this far.” I press my palm over her chest, my lips searching for hers in a kiss. One, and another. “There’s still air in your lungs and a beat in your heart. Don’t disappear on me now, Goldie. Don’t disappear.” Or I’ll disappear, too.
It’s going to be okay. She’s going to be okay. I’m not okay.
Close your eyes and breathe deep. This is temporary. It’ll end. Just breathe.” She coaches me. In. And out. But I can’t. I need Ledger. His chest to my back, his calm voice in my ear, his soft soothing humming. I don’t care how irrational and unhealthy it may seem. I need him more than I need another breath.
I spent over half a year with the man, and we were torn apart like the strangers we began as.
🤪🔫
As soon as that patient and her insensitive sister left today, I rushed to my office and listened to the saved message on repeat. I’ve listened to it so many times, I know his words by heart. Maeve. It’s me. Ledger. Hi. I’ve debated contacting you since leaving the hospital, but I kept talking myself out of it. Maybe I shouldn’t be calling, I know I shouldn’t, but I needed to hear your voice, to hear you’re okay. You were in my dream last night and I… I just miss you, Goldie. All right. Bye.
freeze. In the middle of my presentation. I’m not in a boardroom. I’m surrounded by concrete. Shivering, empty. The smell of decay and mildew burns my nostrils. That caustic melody drills into my eardrums. But there she is. Gold and sapphire and porcelain. The only splash of life in this colorless hell. Even beaten and starved, she’s beautiful. My Goldie.
A few things crash into me at once. Her once long golden hair is chopped short, dusting her shoulders, a subtle wave to each strand. A warm, rosy glow illuminates her skin—now filled out and healthy. But what nails me in the chest with the power of an MMA fighter’s fist is the soft smile curving her pale pink lips. Every curse word to ever enter my mind floods together in one singular, combined word. I’m so screwed.
Ledger’s back to blindingly gorgeous. Like staring into the sun, it hurts. So much so, fierce guilt seeps in for looking at him. Because it doesn’t take more than a blink of an eye for every drop of love I gained for him to surge and flood my veins. In pristine fitted jeans, he’s wearing a navy sweater rolled up to his elbows that stretches across his filled-out chest, forming to his trim torso. His restored thick, dark hair is styled with gel in a tousled swoop, raked by his hands. And his carved jawline, it’s no longer hidden by an untamed beard but sculpted by well-groomed stubble. Though
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My heart weeps, demanding answers from my brain. Why? Why did we have to fall for him? Why? my brain replies, like I should already know. Because he’s Ledger Abbott. He’s the moon at midnight, the lifeboat in a hurricane. He’s the reason we’re still breathing. He’s home. Trapped in that cement room, enduring the same continual torture—no one understands what happened in captivity but us. He’s my everything.
Ledger loosens his hold, sliding his hands to the sides of my face, our eyes fastening, fusing. With his hands molded to my jawline, his lips press to my forehead for the span of two breaths. One breath, I love you. Two, and goodbye.
Doesn’t he get it? It’ll never be over. I’ll always be stuck in that cell, clinging to Ledger, fighting to get out.
“I’m done living with this ache that never surrenders.” Maeve rubs her chest. “This ache that only goes away when I’m with you.”
