If We Disappear Here

by Mindy Hayes

Each day we’ll learn how to function better while we ache. You just have to live one second at a time.”

“For me. If not for you, do it for me. I mean… I’m not ready to give up, but I will without you.”

“I’m not going to make it out of this sane.” A choked whisper. “You are because I’m here. I’m here. You have my voice.” His breath washes across my skin. “My touch.” His hand brushes my arm, my neck, before finding my jaw, cradling me. “My heartbeat.” Ledger locates my hand and holds my palm over his chest. “You feel that? I’m alive. You’re alive. We haven’t disappeared yet. Not even the darkness can take us.”

the sight of Maeve keeps blood pumping through my veins. Maeve is my life support. And when she bleeds, so do I.

You never really know how important the awareness of time is until you live without it.

Stay with me. Focus on me. There’s nothing else but us. It’s you and me. Always you and me.”

“There’s not much time left, and I have to say this.” Before I can object, she cuts me off. “If this is the end, I’m grateful it was you with me and not someone else. It could’ve been anyone else, but it was you, Ledger. It was you. And that’s the one beautiful thing in this endless nightmare.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted it to be anyone else but you.”

he’s my only glimmer under this starless concrete sky.

Nothing is worth counting without her.

My second set of lungs, my second heart. My life support.

This is all I need. Maeve in my arms, her warmth pressed against me.

Even though we’ve gone to hell and back together, he’s given me light when there has been none. Functioning in the outside world without him would be near impossible.

If we don’t wake up in the morning, at least his arms will be the last thing I’ll feel.

“I still love you in this life, Goldie.”

“There’s still air in your lungs and a beat in your heart. Don’t disappear on me now, Goldie. Don’t disappear.”

Soon, nothing will be able to excavate her from my body. She won’t just be in my head or my heart. She’ll run the blood in my veins and feed the marrow of my bones.

my soul searches for Maeve.

Because he’s Ledger Abbott. He’s the moon at midnight, the lifeboat in a hurricane. He’s the reason we’re still breathing. He’s home.

“I don’t have a choice. I can’t not dwell on my captivity because it makes me sick. I can’t push it from my mind like it’s an inappropriate thought. The memories are there day in and day out whether I fight against them or not. I’m strong because I have to be. I fight against my demons every second of every minute of the day so that I can live.”

I said your name that day because I couldn’t imagine living without you. I still can’t. I’ve stayed away for your sake, to respect Ashton, but there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t wanted to storm your house and steal you for myself.”

“I don’t know why we had to go through what we did to get here, but for you, Goldie, I’d do it all over again.”