Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Everyday

by Jay Shetty

It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live

When you try to live your most authentic life, some of your relationships will be put in jeopardy. Losing them is a risk worth bearing; finding a way to keep them in your life is a challenge worth taking on.

When we tune out the opinions, expectations, and obligations of the world around us, we begin to hear ourselves.

First, on a daily basis I recommend you sit down to reflect on how the day went and what emotions you’re feeling. Second, once a month you can approximate the change that I found at the ashram by going someplace you’ve never been before to explore yourself in a different environment. This can be anything from visiting a park or library you’ve never been to before to taking a trip. Finally, get involved in something that’s meaningful to you—a hobby, a charity, a political cause.

It is impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others.

Remember, saying whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, is not freedom. Real freedom is not feeling the need to say these things.

The less time you fixate on everyone else, the more time you have to focus on yourself.

Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.

“As long as we keep attaching our happiness to the external events of our lives, which are ever changing, we’ll always be left waiting for it.”

Material gratification is external, but happiness is internal.

Happiness and fulfillment come only from mastering the mind and connecting with the soul—not from objects or attainments. Success doesn’t guarantee happiness, and happiness doesn’t require success.

Purpose and meaning, not success, lead to true contentment.

“I wish” is code for “I don’t want to do anything differently.”

If your intention is to help people, you have to embody that intention by being kind, openhearted, and innovative, by recognizing people’s strengths, supporting their weaknesses, listening, helping them grow,

In getting you where you want to be, meditation may show you what you don’t want to see.

When you spend your time and energy living in your dharma, you have the satisfaction of using your best abilities and doing something that matters to the world. Living in your dharma is a certain route to fulfillment.

Wrzesniewski and her colleagues created the phrase “job crafting” to describe “what employees do to redesign their own jobs in ways that foster engagement at work, job satisfaction, resilience, and thriving.”

The intention with which we approach our work has a tremendous impact on the meaning we gain from it and our personal sense of purpose. Learn to find meaning now, and it will serve you all your life.

Dharma is passion in the service of others. Your passion is for you. Your purpose is for others. Your passion becomes a purpose when you use it to serve others. Your dharma has to fill a need in the world.

Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it.

The point of waking up early wasn’t to torture us—it was to start the day off with peace and tranquility.

To walk down the same old path and find a new stone is to open your mind.

Being present is the only way to live a truly rich and full life.

Location has energy; time has memory. If you do something at the same time every day, it becomes easier and natural. If you do something in the same space every day, it becomes easier and natural.

There are three routes to happiness, all of them centered on knowledge: learning, progressing, and achieving.

Treat yourself with the same love and respect you want to show to others.

“All spiritual teaching—this is not an oversimplification—is about how to be present to the moment.… But the problem is, we’re almost always somewhere else: reliving the past or worrying about the future.”

Practicing presence helps us do as spiritual teacher Ram Dass advised and “be here now.”

Actually, the greatest detachment is being close to everything and not letting it consume and own you. That’s real strength.

When we fast, we detach from the body and all the time we spend attending to its demands. When we remove eating, we can let go of hunger and satiety, pain and pleasure, failure and success. We redirect our energy and attention to focus on the mind. In future fasts, I got in the habit of using that energy to study, research, make notes, or prepare a talk. Fasting became a creative time, free of distractions.

“You are who you are when no one is watching.”

You are not your success or your failure.

Meditation is an opportunity to make this inclination deliberate and productive. Past or future, big or small, you can use visualization to extract the energy from a situation and bring it into your reality.

Appreciate everything, even the ordinary. Especially the ordinary.

When you’re present in gratitude, you can’t be anywhere else.

The monk asks, “Why are you giving out love?” I say, “Because it’s who I am.” The monk says, “So then why expect it back? But also, listen carefully. Whenever you give out any energy—love, hate, anger, kindness—you will always get it back. One way or another. Love is like a circle. Whatever love you give out, it always comes back to you. The problem lies with your expectations. You assume the love you receive will come from the person you gave it to. But it doesn’t always come from that person. Similarly, there are people who love you who you don’t give the same love in return.”

Too often we love people who don’t love us, but we fail to return the love of others who do.

We expect our life partner to be our everything, to “complete us” (thanks, Jerry Maguire), but even within that deep and lifelong union, only you can be your everything.

to save the effort and energy that went into being validated in a romantic relationship and to use it to build a relationship with myself.

“Celibacy by conscious choice is a powerful way to work with your own energy and harness the potency of life energy. It can also help you strengthen your intuition, your boundaries, and your understanding of what consent truly means, including how to differentiate what kind of contact and interaction is truly welcome in your life and by your body.”

Physical attraction. You like what they look like—you are drawn to their appearance, style, or presence, or you like the idea of being seen with them. Material. You like their accomplishments and the power and/or the possessions this affords them. Intellectual. You like how they think—you’re stimulated by their conversation and ideas. Emotional. You connect well. They understand your feelings and increase your sense of well-being. Spiritual. They share your deepest goals and values.

Monks believe that someone’s looks aren’t who they are—the body is only a vessel for the soul.

Conversation. Listening is one of the most thoughtful gifts we can give. There is no better way to show that we care about another person’s experience. Listening intentionally means looking for the emotions behind the words, asking questions to further understand, incorporating what you’ve learned into your knowledge of the other person, doing your best to remember what they said, and following up where relevant. Listening also involves creating an atmosphere of trust, where the person feels welcome and safe.

Nobody completes you. You’re not half.

Love is kept alive by creating more new memories—by continuing to learn and grow together. Fresh experiences bring excitement into your life and build a stronger bond.

Tibetan Buddhist nun Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo points out that we often mistake attachment for love. She says, “We imagine that the grasping and clinging that we have in our relationships shows that we love. Whereas actually, it is just attachment, which causes pain. Because the more we grasp, the more we are afraid to lose, then if we do lose, then of course we are going to suffer.” Ultimately, holding on to the wrong person causes us more pain than letting them go.

If you’ve lost yourself in the relationship, find yourself in the heartbreak.

Selflessness is the surest route to inner peace and a meaningful life. Selflessness heals the self.

We seek to leave a place cleaner than we found it, people happier than we found them, the world better than we found it.

You don’t have to have to give.