The Devil Wears Black

by L.J. Shen

I’d watched enough Grey’s Anatomy to self-diagnose:

I’d asked for the most stupidly expensive, generic thing they had. Something that said the fiancé is rich but also and knows nothing about his bride-to-be. Something perfect for the two of us.

I might or might not have watched several Hallmark movies in order to mimic a loving fiancé.

I hated that I wanted to pound her like a piece of schnitzel.

I called bullshit about Julian’s six remark. Madison was a solid twelve, on her worst days. She wasn’t just wholesomely beautiful but also sexy in a way women who weren’t worried about being sexy were. What nagged him about her was that she was indifferent to the numbers in his bank account and his Armani suits. She was what he called a postfeminist. A girl with a we-can-do-it mentality who made her own path in the world. He, in contrast, had a let-the-butler-do-it mentality. Of course they were like oil and water. But if he thought I was going to flip my shit when he called her a six, he was in for a surprise. Letting him rattle me was not an option.

Maddie: Best way to start the day?

Chase: You sitting on my face.

Chase Black was the devil. A sinister, cold creature that somehow managed to scorch his way into my veins. But whatever he was . . . being next to him made me feel alive.

The devil wears Black.”

I realized Madison was the whole package. I should be acknowledged somehow for my stupidity. I’d thrown away a supreme fuck just because I was afraid she . . . what, exactly? Would trick me into marrying her somehow? That was never going to happen.

I suddenly remembered exactly why I’d stayed with Madison for longer than a week, even though I hadn’t had one serious conversation with her the entire time: The sex was out of this world. The baking was sinful. She treated my family like, well . . . family.

“If you pretend to hate me . . .”

“At least do it like you mean it.”

His knee poked between my thighs as his mouth descended in slow motion onto mine. His body molded into my frame. I stood there, eyes open, watching in gut-swirling horror as his mouth met mine. Yet I pulled him closer, my nails sinking into his shoulder blades. His lips were warm and soft. Softer than I remembered. They felt different. Like his soul was touching mine through this brief brush of our lips. It surprised and scared me, how charged it felt to be in his arms, to drink from the well of his scent and warmth and feel. He tasted like a touch of whiskey and mint gum, exploring, probing, awaiting permission to plunge in with his tongue. I ...

“This is a ba...

“I wish you were someone else.”

“Soulless, like me.”

“You have to screw both and see which one’s better.”

Hiraeth: a homesickness for a home you can’t return to or that never was.

Hiraeth. A home that wasn’t mine but that I couldn’t, for the life of me, stop trying to worm my way into. A place I missed without ever visiting. A place of my own I could call home.

Chase: I’ll take your grays. All fifty shades of them.

I was allowed to have a goddamn heartbeat, especially when I had a gorgeous woman pressed against me.

“Malta?”

“I want to take the Game of Thrones tour. You know, where they filmed big portions of the show. Fiji?”

“Yeah, I want to get a tan, get drunk, and bury myself insid...

Love = pain. Pain = suffering. Suffering = not today, Satan. Not today.

“I want to do very dirty things to you.”

“In the shower,” I continued. “You could sit on my shower bench while I eat you out.”

“God”—she closed her eyes on a soft moan—“that’s so . . . hygienic.”

We both burst out into spontaneo...

I’d always wondered how you knew if you loved someone. I got my answer when he looked at me. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I loved Chase in that moment.

“You asked if I’m over Amber,” he croaked, his eyes drifting shut. The rest of him too. “I am. I don’t think I ever loved her. Not really. Not like I could love you.”

“I didn’t cheat, but I wanted to. I fucking wished I could, Mad. Because you were there, and you were real, and if the bullshit with Amber, whom I didn’t even love, hurt like a thousand bitches, you had the potential to totally detonate my life. You were a weakness. I was so . . .”

“You’re a wolf,”

“You’re the moon.” He grinned, tipping his head back to look at the white crystal-like ball. “You drive me fucking crazy.”

“We’re always changing. We just don’t notice it because we’re on the move.”

We’d both fallen.

I couldn’t fall in love with a man who promised to never give me everything I wanted from life: A husband, a wedding. Children. Love.

“Where are we going?”

“My apartment.”

“Your apart . . . Ch...

“...

“...

“Beca...

“Beca...

“I can’t ...

“...

“And I can when you a...

“I don’t know how to explain it, nor do I want to. May I be graced with your presence so I can stoc...

The devil didn’t have to drag me down to hell. I had come with him willingly.