The Devil Wears Black

by L.J. Shen

The Cars—“Drive”

“Clementine, their daughter, is such a peach.” “Sounds fruity,” Mad squeaked, getting whisked away by Mom without sparing me another glance. Sounds fruity. She’d actually said that. I’d been inside this woman at some point. What in the holy fuck had I been thinking?

“Thank you, Chase. I can take care of myself.” Madison smiled tightly. And you might need to with the asexual fool you’re dating.

Fucking Amber. She wore a pair of leather pants tighter than a condom and a blouse she’d conveniently forgotten to button around her generous, surgically enhanced rack.

my eyes tracing the outline of her body under the bathrobe hungrily. I hated that I wanted to pound her like a piece of schnitzel.

I called bullshit about Julian’s six remark. Madison was a solid twelve, on her worst days. She wasn’t just wholesomely beautiful but also sexy in a way women who weren’t worried about being sexy were.

I liked that she didn’t paint her face to a point where she looked like someone else.

I’d finally found something she enjoyed other than getting eaten while sprawled on my granite kitchen island—busting my balls.

“Wow. You are like Mr. Darcy’s evil twin, but sans the charm.” “So basically an asshole?” I groaned. “Pretty much.”

with his good-natured smile intact. “Sure. I mean, we’re still casual, right?” “Right.” I nodded. “Of course. Casual. Is that what you see us as?” “For now. Yeah.” I was beginning to hate the word with a passion.

No smiling pigs, but I think I have something with Michael Scott on it.

I knocked on Madison’s door, hearing Daisy barking excitedly. Mad opened, and I became weak in the knees and hard everywhere else, because what the fuck?

The day had been entirely full of unpleasant surprises, but Pediatric Dudebro in his dress shirt, stupid tie, and running tights was the cherry on the shit cake. He grinned at Madison, giving her two thumbs up for the outfit.

I only knew the dog’s name because Booger Face used to call me Doggy Chase for a while, and I’d been worried and disturbed about her knowing my favorite sexual position.

She smelled like home. A home I categorically wasn’t invited to, but a home nonetheless.

my pulse returned to its regular rhythm. “Do you smell that?” She sniffed the air theatrically. “Smell what?” “The urine from the pissing contest you just launched at my doorstep.”

We took the train to the Upper West Side. Driving in Manhattan on Friday night was the equivalent of rubbing your dick across a grater: Technically possible, but why would you want to try?

“That’s above my pay grade.” “I don’t pay you.” “Exactly.”

Yet again, I found myself hard. Was there anything Madison did that didn’t give me a raging erection?

“I would like to restart our fake relationship,” he said. “Too bad it’s not a Windows PC.”

“But I want to know how it ends,” the woman whined. “Spoiler alert: I get the girl. Move along now.”

“Ethan is interesting,” I protested. “That’s unfair. You haven’t even met him.” “Is that why you still haven’t let him put the tip in, Maddie?” Layla looked unconvinced.

Hiraeth: a homesickness for a home you can’t return to or that never was.

Maddie: Forget it. Go have your fun. I hope you catch hispes. Chase: Hispes? Maddie: Herpes, pour homme. Chase: Fuck, I’ve missed you. Maddie: I actually stole this from Ray Donovan.

She waved me off. “I’m too old not to be blunt.” “I’m too hotheaded to have this conversation without a stiff drink,” I growled.

But you are a real catch. Not because of your money or status but because you are funny, quick witted, smart, fun, and—yes—look like you’re the product of an orgy consisting of all the Greek gods, Chris Hemsworth, and James Dean.”

Everything about my place was dark, indulgent, and dangerous. An apartment carefully designed in the aesthetic of a modern douchebag.

The slow, spreading grin on Ethan’s face told me he wasn’t caught off guard as I was. He’d known. It was a setup. My remorse morphed into fury. I straightened my spine, tilting my head up.

“My close friends are excited, yes. We’re going to celebrate low key. I haven’t told my colleagues yet, though. You know, life is not about flaunting expensive rings and marrying your way up the tax bracket.” Dang, dumping Martyr Maddie for a while was fun.

“I very much doubt you are used to seeing people coming on a regular basis. You’re too self-centered to give pleasure,” Julian noted, puffing on his cigar. “Saw it enough times on your wife’s face.” I rolled my tongue across my top teeth. His smile dropped.

What we were doing wasn’t kissing. He fucked my mouth ruthlessly, and I clenched against nothing, feeling my thighs locking in on his narrow waist with need.

He was two hundred pounds of muscles and ego the size of Staten Island. Heavy.

The rest of the weekend on the ranch did not suck, unlike Madison, who reminded me her mouth was the eighth wonder of the world. It was the best time I’d had in months. Fine, years.

“Am I known for running around town bed-hopping?” Good point. It was true that ever since we’d gotten into bed, it felt like I was losing a few IQ points every time I came inside her. It was like she sucked the logic out of me.

“I promise,” I said, taking a step forward, erasing the space between us. We were mouth to mouth now. Chest to chest. Cock to pussy. “I promise to spare your heart. Now may I please have the rest of you?”

“Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you could make a good couple. Doesn’t matter. Bro code determines you can’t touch her with a ten-foot pole because I touched her first.” I paused. “And I touched her everywhere.”

“Are you insane?” I whisper-shouted, feeling my eyes widening. “Someone could see you here.” “And?” He narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m offering you soup, not dick. The rumor mill won’t go haywire if we take lunch together.”

“I love that you wear dresses.” He kissed my nose. I snatched his lips before he moved away, devouring him passionately. “It makes you fuckable not only theoretically but logistically too. Thing is, I don’t have a condom,” he whispered into my mouth. “But I’m clean.” “I’m on the pill and clean,” I said. “Well, I’m about to dirty you up.”

I was such an idiot to trust him. But I couldn’t deny my own responsibility. I was the bubbleheaded cheerleader who’d agreed to go bareback in that imaginary truck bed. Hell, I’d let the quarterback take a shit all over me.

Riddle me this: She is cute, small, and a little MAD, but her milkshake still brings all the boys to the yard. More specifically, I just caught her with her pants down, having sex with Black & Co.’s big boss. The one who wears BLACK and normally dates the likes of Kate Moss. With this kind of lip service, no wonder she just got a promotion. So much for being Martyr Maddie, full of goodwill and devotion.

As soon as I got into the office, I realized something was amiss. And when I said amiss, I meant my brousin’s sanity. He was standing in the middle of the office, arms spread, in a crumpled suit with a coffee stain the size of Minnesota, giving frantic directions to every secretary and assistant in sight. People around him looked ashen, scared, downright devastated. A few secretaries and interns cried. What had he done to make everyone’s panties twist? Other than the obvious sin of living and breathing.

He gave me a narrowed-eyed glance, like it was my fault they were both D-grade douchebags who hated each other and had married for all the wrong reasons.

“You fool. You goddamn fool. Your dick cost you your kingdom. Clementine is yours and the company is mine.”

“What are your intentions with my friend?” She pretended to consider my request, taking another bite of the Twizzler. Well, I would like to explain myself, fuck her six ways from Sunday, then yell at her for being so goddamn impossible, then fuck her again. “Talk,” I said, opting for the shorter, safe-for-work answer. “I just want to talk to her.”

I begged and I stole and I bargained and I manipulated her so many times it became a full-time job to be around her. And whenever we were alone, when I finally had her to myself, I kept reminding her it wasn’t serious. That it was temporary. That I didn’t care. Spoiler alert: I cared. A whole lot. That was a plot twist I hadn’t seen coming, and it made me stumble backward, my back pressing against Layla’s door (thank fuck she’d just headed out). I let out a frustrated growl. Shit. I was in love with Mad.

I heard Madison going about her evening. Cooking (pasta, basil, and olive oil—the scent was too much not to notice), feeding Daisy, and watching an episode of You I hadn’t seen yet (God dammit).

“Why do you hate me so much?” She looked up, giving me a duh look. “Why wouldn’t I? Look at you. You have horrible taste in clothes, yet you feel so comfortable in your own skin. You’re the uncoolest person I’ve ever met, no offense. Yet you’re probably Sven’s favorite employee. Men like Chase Black throw themselves at you and have bathroom sex with you and fire people for you. You are way ahead of the game for our age, and you didn’t even go to a good college. You just . . . have it all together. I don’t know. It doesn’t seem natural for a twenty-six-year-old. It feels like you got a lot of shortcuts.”

“I just want you to know I’ll be there for you and your family, no matter what. As a friend.” “I don’t want to be your friend.” Chase held my eyes, sobering up for a fraction of a second. “I want to be your everything. Even that’s not enough. So thanks, but no thanks.”

“By the way, you would have loved Daisy. She is a hoot. I’ll bring a picture of her next time I come visit. Do you know Chase was the only man who ever entered my apartment and didn’t get the pee-in-shoe treatment? Do you think it’s a sign?”

Chase: You’re good at sneaking into places. Maddie: Like where? Chase: My heart. <Chase has removed a message from the chat> Maddie: Was shopping for sex toys with Layla. What did you delete? Where’d I sneak into? Chase: Nothing. Maddie: CHASE. Chase: Platonic pizza tonight? Maddie: Not sure I’m familiar with that topping. Chase: It’s my least favorite and includes you fully clothed. Then I’ll go home to jerk off while you make use of your new sex toy purchases. Maddie: Platonic pizza sounds good. Chase: My turn to choose the movie.