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After you die, you’re pretty much stuck with whatever you were wearing at the time. That will make you think twice if some clown asks you to try on a tutu.
“We’re just in the habit of catching bad guys. We don’t worry too much about the why when we nab one with his pants down and his pecker in his hand.”
Al’s office was decorated with Star Wars movie posters and action figures. Han Solo stood next to Chewbacca on one shelf, and Princess Leia clad in a gold bikini leaned against a jellylike Jabba the Hut. The figures weren’t in their original packages, so I wondered if Al played with them when no one was looking.
Wizards. No sense of humor.
“I may press charges.” “And I may kick your ass.” “You’ll go to jail.” “Your ass will still be kicked.”
I do have a simple rule when it comes to relationships: never date a girl who can kick your ass.
“Why hire me at all?” “Maybe she wants to get laid and has to pay for it.” “You know better than that,” I said. “I never charge for sex.” “You never get the chance.” “Ouch.”
“What’s your favorite question of the day?” I asked. “Some brainiac called and asked me which country the Salvation Army defends.”
“I like her, Jonathan. She’s pretty cool for a librarian.” “Librarian by day, Wonder Woman by night.” “Sounds like the headline to a personal ad.”
“They were wrong about you,” he said. “You don’t seem to have any magic, but you have a ghost, which suggests you’re a necromancer. You have a Sekutar for a bodyguard, which suggests a wizard or sorcerer of great strength. Yet you didn’t even notice me trying to enter you during the demonstration. You’re an enigma. Very interesting.”
I thought he had tl kill the host to get out?
“You don’t have the right to address the Head of Council,” he said. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll talk to you instead. Tell Hitler-with-Tits here that she needs to climb down off her high horse
Then again, when I was twenty, I felt certain that I knew everything, while these days I felt certain I knew nothing. Amazing how the intelligence goes away as you get older. It can’t be that we learn that we aren’t as smart as we think. Right?
“How can you possibly be hungry after today’s events?” “My stomach is my master,” I said. “I have to obey.”
“They’re both low-level wizards,” she said. “Which means they’re worthless,” Kelly said. “They’re not worthless. They’re nice guys.” “Gee, maybe they can distract Ravenwood for us by being nice to him.”
How do you want to die?” “You’re giving me a choice?” “I’m a good sport,” Brand said. “Shall I break your neck or drive a sword through your heart?” “I have a better idea,” I said, trying to get my feet against the wall. “Let’s just call this a draw and all go to the Outback Steakhouse for dinner. My treat.”
“You keep pacing, I’ll put a vacuum cleaner in your hand,” Lina said. “Place could use some cleaning,” Frank said. “Better get busy, then.”
When the people you love die, they leave an emptiness inside you that can never be filled. You carry that emptiness with you forever. The trick is to fill the rest of your life with good things.
