A Thousand Letters (The Austens #2)

by Staci Hart

At the time, I felt like she'd abandoned me, that she'd broken the promise she'd made. That she'd left me the second she put that ring in my hand. I just didn't realize it was me who had forced her to take it off, not until much later. Not until it was too late.

"You're what I give to the world, what I leave behind. I am proud." He said it slowly, every word with intention, with concentration, as if it were the most important thing he'd ever say. "Now, we have truth. Hold onto it."

Above they barely touch, but undermined / Down to their deepest source, / Admiring you shall find / Their roots are intertwined / Insep'rably."

"I thought I had more time." My voice cracked, and he squeezed my hand. "So did I," he said gently. "We all did. But do not regret that. That is one thing I will ask of you. For of all sad words of tongue or pen, / The saddest are these: It might have been! Stop running away so you don't spend the rest of your life wondering. Whittier knew this, and so do I. So should you."

"Braveness isn't always loud. Sometimes it's silent. There's braveness in sacrifice and kindness. It's in doing a thing that needs to be done, even though it's hard, and even though it hurts."

"Please, stop," I demanded. "Stop what?" Her voice was quiet, the words trembling ever so slightly. "Stop apologizing for your presence," I said, persuasion heavy in my words, in my heart. "Stop assuming you're not wanted. You have every right to be here with us, for us, for him. So stop disappearing. Stop hiding from what you wish for. Stop sacrificing yourself for everyone else."

I was in love with a girl who had dreams, a girl who loved quietly and without expectation. But the girl before me had her dreams dashed, and she loved submissively, putting everyone else before herself until she found herself buried and gone. Maybe she had vanished after all, the seven years had passed by, erasing the features I had loved so well. I walked away, and she stood rooted to the spot for a few heartbeats before moving her feet. And feeling her there by my side, I knew I was wrong. I loved her still, and that love was real. And I only wanted her happiness, but I had no rights, no means to provide it.

Home is not a place, Not a smell, Not a face, But a space In your heart. -M. White

And when you think That you have found Your feet planted firmly And your heart sound That is when the moment You trip, Fall, And hit the ground. -M. White

You are loved and cared for, with or without me. So please, don't break or bend. Don't crumble and fall. Stand up tall and face the sun and remember me."

"Life is short, so short, so precious, every minute, every day. Don't let the people you love, the people who make you happy, the people who bring you joy — don't let them go. Hang on to them, even when it hurts. When it seems impossible. Hold on to the things that breathe life into you. Listen to your soul and honor what it tells you. Live. Fight for what you love. Because one day, you'll be where I am, and in that moment I want you to look back gladly, with no regrets."

"You've been in the dark for so long, from the moment you lost her. But she's right here, right now, and she loves you. If you don't love her anymore, then let her go too, right along with me. But if you do, hold on to her. You don't know how long you'll have the chance."

All he had to do was speak and his words hit my heart, hung over me, illuminating me. I had to let Elliot go or I had to hold on to her. When the choice stood before me that plainly, I knew there was only one answer. I'd tried to let her go for seven years, and last night was proof that I hadn't. I couldn't.

"I think we should bake cookies." "That does sound like it would make life a little better." She hooked her arm in mine. "It's science."

It was cold outside but warmer than it had been, as if my fire had warmed up the whole world. I felt strange, changed, alive and brave, even though I was scared. But what I'd realized was that the brave aren't immune to fear. It's only that their fear doesn't stop them.

"There is no length to love; it's infinite. It lives in you always. Hold on to it." "But it hurts," she sobbed. "That's how you know it was real."

"I thought when I came home, maybe you could forgive me. We could talk, make it all right. Go back to the old plan. I couldn't answer you while I was there because … well, because of no good reason, I see that now. But at the time, I was stuck there. The only concession I gave myself, the only allowance to feel anything, was when I sat down to write you a thousand letters I never sent. Friends died, I saw things that made me feel like I wouldn't make it out. I had nothing to offer you, nothing to give, no promises to make, not until I was home. And when I finally did get back, when I opened your first letters, I realized just how wrong I was."

"I didn't know," he breathed. "I would have come back before leaving for deployment. I would have married you then, if I'd known you'd been begging me to come back that whole time. The answer I wanted was given to me over and over again, piled up in a locker in the dark. And when … when I read them, I knew there would be no going back. I believed at the time that I'd lost you forever without even asking you because how could you ever forgive me? I pushed you and blamed you, and you believed I didn't want you because I didn't come home. I could have married you then, but I had too much pride. I was young, young and stupid. And by the time I realized how wrong I'd been not to reach out to you, it had been years. Your letters had stopped. You were through. But I kept writing you back, every day, even after you stopped. I never stopped loving you, even though I thought you had stopped loving me."

"For so long I didn't want to come back, and now I don't want to leave."