A Surplus of Light

by Chase Connor

“I would’ve been everything you wanted from me.” He sighed as my fingers traced his chest. “I would have done anything. All you had to do was ask me to do it.”

Ian Chambers. The name became my mantra. I found myself repeating it over and over in my head on the walk home. Over dinner with my family. In the shower. As I watched T.V. As I drifted off to sleep.

He taught me more about being a man than my own father had.

“Once I knew you existed, there wasn’t a time that I didn’t love you.” I smiled at him. “I’ve loved you since I first saw the light of the sun, felt its warmth,” I replied. “Because I knew that it was telling me that you were coming.”

He was absolutely adorable, and my stomach felt like butterflies. I knew exactly what that meant. And it scared the shit out of me.

Silently, I thanked God for two things as Mike began talking ninety-to-nothing. The squirrel. And Michael Steedman.