Confess

by Rob Halford

‘Oh, hey, Rob, great to meet you!’ Madonna said, without getting up. She looked me up and down. ‘You have a lot of tattoos!’ I did, by then. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Do you have them everywhere?’ she asked me. I pulled up my shirt to show her the designs on my torso. ‘And how far down do they go?’ asked Madonna, coquettishly. I pulled the waist of my shorts down to the top of my pubes. She leaned forward and peered at my crotch. Her nose was virtually touching my stomach. Bloody hell, Rob! I thought to myself. You only met Madonna two minutes ago, and you’ve already nearly got your cock in her gob! ‘Oh, wow!’ she marvelled. ‘And do they go further than that?’ ‘Yeah, but I think we’d better stop there,’ I said. ‘Yes,’ agreed Madonna, nodding. ‘I suppose that’s probably a good idea.’ And that was the end of my very short backstage encounter with the Queen of Pop. I hope that she remembers it as fondly as I do.