Credence

by Penelope Douglas

“It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.” -Frederick Douglass

His voice is deep but soft, like he’s a little bit scared of me but not scared of anything else.

People may live different realities, but the truth is always the same.

In the distance, in perfect view between the trees beyond my balcony, stands a mountain, its granite peak gray and foreboding, skirted with green pines and topped with white clouds that make the scene so beautiful I stop breathing for a moment. Holy shit. It’s just there. A cathedral, sitting in front of a blue sky, and before I can stop myself, I raise my hand, reaching out for it like I want to take it in my fist, but all I can feel is the morning air breeze through my fingers.

He’s teasing. I’m just not in the mood. Of course, I haven’t been in the mood for years, so I guess this is who I am now.

The peak is massive. But so close. Such a strange feeling, something so big, reminding you that you’re small, but also reminding you that you’re part of a world full of magnificent things.

He cocks an eyebrow. “Maybe I’ll decide to honor your parents’ wishes and keep you until you’re of age.” “I’ll be ‘of age’ in ten weeks.” “We’ll be snowed in in eight.” And he laughs, backing away from me.

what a dick lmao

Why does it bug me so much I didn’t get the last word? Why do I let everything go and never say anything?

“Because you’re still you, no matter where you go,” I retort.

Making a mistake takes seconds. Living with them takes a lifetime,

“Have you had any men?” he asks more bluntly when I don’t respond. “Whatsoever?”

he’s kinda annoying like mind your business?? sis is just tryna brush her teeth damn

Not like the Boulevard of Broken Dreams that’s my father’s bed when they realize he only wants sex and not a relationship or Skid Row upstairs in Kaleb’s room where women are lucky to leave alive.

LMAO WHAT?

“Don’t leave me. She wants my body again.”

LOLLL i kinda love their relationship

out. I always fear doing things I can’t undo.

Everyone contemplates suicide at some point, even if it’s just for a minute. And one thing is usually the root cause. Loneliness.

“You’re going to look in the mirror at the seventeen-year-old girl in a fifty-year-old body and realize you wasted so much time being devastated at how those fuckers didn’t love you that you forgot there’s an entire world of people who will.”

She scowls and opens her mouth to snap back at me but then she stops, pausing as she notices Kaleb putting a new plate in front of her and scraping off half his steak, already cut up into bite-sized chunks.

stop 🥺

She whispers against my mouth, tears still thick in her voice, “A payment you’ll never collect, because you’re too old and bitter to spend it right.”

hoeee my god....... sis is BOLD lmao

Snowfall isn’t like rainfall. Rain is passion. It’s a scream. It’s my hair sticking to my face as I wrap my arms around him. It’s spontaneous, and it’s loud. Snowfall is like a secret. It’s whispers and firelight and searching for his warmth between the sheets at two a.m. when the rest of the house is asleep. It’s holding him tightly and loving him slowly.

Kaleb has been punishing the world his whole life, almost like me. Unfortunately, the world moves on, and then it just becomes punishing yourself.

“It was time,” he says.

oh my god i’m screaming

He practiced speaking the last six weeks by reading out loud.

crying