Twilight (Twilight, #1)

by Stephenie Meyer

THE NEXT DAY WAS BETTER… AND WORSE.

Who the fuck does she think she is, Charles Dickens?

I made the Cowardly Lion look like the terminator.

Cowardly Lion is more iconic than Terminator...sooooo

I did drive to the library Saturday, but it was so poorly stocked that I didn’t bother to get a card; I would have to make a date to visit Olympia or Seattle soon and find a good bookstore.

Only relatable thing so far

I found myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely.

no one else was as aware of Edward as I always was. No one else watched him the way I did. How pitiful.

That's called an obsession, Darling

the tenor of my e-mails alerted Renée to my depression,

She's starting to call her mom Renee just like her dad is Charlie. Will he start being "Dad" soon?

he’d happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks.

I didn't realize that much time had passed

clenching my jaw against all the wild accusations I wanted to hurl at him.

Meyers is trying to make this into an 'enemies to lovers' thing and I'm not buying it

“Bella, it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.”

“You really should stay away from me,”

He's being a dick to a girl without a developed prefrontal cortex by giving her mixed messages constantly and quickly

I had been vacillating during the last month between Bruce Wayne and Peter Parker. There was no way I was going to own up to that.

Well…. She’s half-right. Batman starring Robert Pattinson 🦇

most people are easy to read.” “Except me, of course.” “Yes. Except for you.”

She has no personality, that’s why

“I was in my car, listening to a CD.”

Most relatable thing he's done so far

“My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year.”

Mike gave me a huge smile when he saw that I was coming.

Get yourself a golden retriever like this boy. Not a fucking psychopath

Jacob sauntered over to take her place by my side. He looked fourteen, maybe fifteen,

He's too young for her right now

He flashed a brilliant smile, looking at me appreciatively in a way I was learning to recognize.

THIS LINE NEEDED A BETTER EDITOR! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?!

It seemed that most vampire myths centered around beautiful women as demons and children as victims; they also seemed like constructs created to explain away the high mortality rates for young children, and to give men an excuse for infidelity.

Sure, I guess

My sense of direction was hopeless; I could get lost in much less helpful surroundings.

Soooo.... She's bad at everything and really needs to keep harping on that point

mostly east as far as I could tell.

And yet, she knows which way is east. Make up your mind!

I followed it hastily, my hood pulled close around my face, becoming surprised, as I nearly ran through the trees, at how far I had come.

How was her editor not fired?

My blood was electric in my veins.

My favorites were Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility.

Of course, her actual favorite would be Northanger Abbey because it has no personality... Like her

I turned to Mansfield Park, but the hero of that piece was named Edmund,

The best Jane Austen novel

I turned to Mansfield Park, but the hero of that piece was named Edmund,

Also... Edmund isn't the hero of that novel. The heroine is Fanny Price. Tell me you haven't read the books your referencing, Stephenie

estrogen rush

Really?

a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they’re thinking is clear.

This sounds very Sookie Stackhouse

I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

She doesn't know him well enough to be in love. I really hope I wasn't this dumb as a teenager

It was a colossal tribute to his face that it kept my eyes away from his body.

Gross

I stared back, struggling to think clearly in spite of his face,

Should she cut off his nose to spite his face?

It was absolutely ridiculous that I should feel dizzy.

Agreed

Sometimes it was so easy to like Mike.

YOU SHOULD LIKE MIKE MORE

Billy still stared at me with intense, anxious eyes.

I like Billy already

of course, Jacob was anxious to see Bella again,”

NO JACOB, NO

But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you, I’d stay home. I know I leave you here alone too much.”

She should wait to go with her dad and should also stop lying to him... So dumb

“I told you—you don’t see yourself clearly at all. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever known. You fascinate me.”

GROSS

you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise.”

Edward knows nothing about human nature. Bella is predictable as fuck

Two words were written in his elegant script.

Everything he does has a descriptor. Elegant script. Crooked smile, and so on

the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish—we’re down to a two, maybe three years’ supply.”

“Take the one-oh-one north,”

Why is it written out this way? I hate it

“Turn right on the one-ten,”

I hate it so much

Edward seemed to take a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the bright glow of the midday sun.

And then he burst into flames? No? Damn…

sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut,

All the descriptors

It was hard to keep up—his sudden mood changes left me always a step behind, dazed.

He's psychotic. After however long he's been alive, he still can't control his emotions

“Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.”

GROOOOOOSS!!!!!

But you were too interesting,

Liar

And I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving to take my life.

Someone put her out of her misery

“Bella, I couldn’t live with myself if I ever hurt you.

He's technically not alive so… this point is moot

I heard him catch his breath.

Does he breathe?

“Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!”

Note to self, Edward doesn't like disco or Motown and that is a red flag