Maybe I'm Bad: Poems and Thoughts

by Amie James

they told me people are always good at something i think then i am good at failing or maybe at trying can one exist without the other? for all flowers grow from soiled ground

i will go for a drive on the highway at midnight to let what is wild out

i fight tooth and nail to live another unextraordinary day filled with extraordinary people

do you ever get that urge to run a red light not because you were in a hurry or you were cutting that amber but because you were curious if you could get away with it the thrill of getting away with something you shouldn’t have steal a bottle of nail polish cheat on a pop quiz dash on a classic dine to crave and concede to that velvet voice of your fiend conscious

i lurk by the spotlight one foot by light the other by dark i’ll bask when i’m good i’ll hide when i’m not

take me from the wild break memake me yours come outcome outwhomever you are i’m waiting

i find comfort at night whilst the rest are asleep every day i wait for its shadows to hold me wrapped safe again

stand the edge of precipice and watch the world as my life balances in natures fickle hand if this ground should fall beneath me at least what i saw last was a beautiful sight

how pretty does the rain make the city at night

i will follow your footsteps though your strides are long you are my forever beacon my guiding star ever strong

we have fought separate wars on separate lands giving us our separate views we may see things different now but our hearts will always stay true

wandering’ll get you your ways he will preach go seek what you can’t see

the expectations i have for myself are far beyond that which you had for me they leave but a shadow in my path of dreams

with heart that pounds i try to sleep to close eyes and imagine something nice but i can’t hold back the bad anxiety fuels stress my heart then burns everything burns why is it so hot it’s dead of winter heart again pounds to dream of sweet release just wanting peaceful sleep

i want so much from this life it scares me knowing i will never be satisfied that it will be my hunger which devours me from inside

what is in store for me i wonder i see those who have all and all who get none do i deserve more than either? that is what bothers me most not that i want it all so much but so does everyone else

we are but fragments collected through own journeys building ourselves

my mind muddled day now night night now day i chase time past and ruin what is gained

i’m not good with relationships but i like being alone it’s what i know it’s what i’m good at like an inevitability that i’ve grown used to becoming scientific fact that cannot be disputed the moon has its stars and the sun sets alone

to die or to live in vain the latter is what she fears now opting to risk her life so that she may live

i tap out after the euphoric first stage of love and like before fantasy breaks to show its defined face

they told me to conquer the world but never taught me how

i’ve thought about becoming an escort but then i’d have to take better care of myself for the sake of others so that’s never happening

be gentle as you go or i may fall for you

i want the in-between of the life that was and the life that wasn’t