Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex

by Michael Todd

In marriage, we’re committed to each other. We’re looking at this as a lifelong deal, so we’re going to be transparent on the deepest level two humans can get to, we’re going to keep turning to each other, and we’re going to serve each other.

bed, our dreams, our kids, our hardships, our successes, our faith, our aging.

First John 4:19 is never truer than within marriage: “We love each other because he loved us first.”

A child can never fill the void created by an unresponsive significant other.

But hear me: God’s ideal is that we should reproduce out of our love, not out of our dysfunction. Our fruitfulness is supposed to be a part of our fidelity, and our multiplying is supposed to take place within marriage. The marriage triangle gives the best chance to create a safe place for kids to grow up healthy and positive until they’re

ready to go out into the world on their own.

When it comes to marriage, God’s plan is to unite and conquer; Satan’s plan is to divide and conquer. Have you ever noticed that the

serpent didn’t appear in Eden until after Eve had been created and there was unity between her and Adam? The Enemy saw a beautiful triangle of love going on, and in his wicked mind he decided, I can’t have this unity thing. I need to deceive. The Enemy still loves to see marriages falling apart. He hates God, and he doesn’t want

To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty” (Malachi 2:16).

He also clearly stated, “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together” (Mark 10:8–9).

Jesus gave just one acceptable reason for divorce: adultery. “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been

Even when you’re married, you should never stop being “single.” What I’m talking about here is being an individual and pursuing the godly purpose and goals you have for yourself, personally. Remember 1 + 1 + 1.

What’s the point of finding a marriage partner who will support your purpose if you aren’t going to go after it when you’re married? Some people who are dating get too comfortable and stop thinking about their purpose, and the same thing can happen in marriage; it’s a mistake either way. In marriage, you sacrifice your selfish desires for your spouse, but you don’t give up your God-given purpose. Keep that godly drive burning. So, let me ask you, What’s the last thing you did to improve yourself? Did you go back and take a finance course so you can stack up the green

Many people stop perfecting who God’s created them to be because they joined with somebody else. That’s laziness. That’s lack of vision. Don’t you do that. As a married person, keep working on your “singleness.”

Marriage is a paradox. It’s the most appealing relationship on earth, but it requires consistent hard work and sacrifice. It’s kind of like being fit.

He can take two contrary qualities—and I dare say two contrary people—and weave them together into a beautiful tapestry that allows you and others to see God’s craftsmanship. As I think about it, it’s what He likes to do.

A want is a desire for something or is something wished for. A need is a requirement that is absolutely necessary. In marriage it is crucial to know the difference between what your spouse wants and what your spouse needs.

If you don’t know the needs of your spouse, neglect is inevitable.

Many times we confuse a need for a want. Does a flower want water or need water? Does a car want gas or need gas? What we’re going to list below are needs that men and women have. We don’t give these things when we feel the other person has earned them. We don’t give them as if they are bonuses. We give them because the other person needs them.

What many wives don’t realize is that they are the prophets in their homes. They can literally speak into existence what’s not there, and men will rise to the occasion because they have the belief. That truth leads me into my next major point.

I heard an older woman once say that if the man is the head, the woman is the neck that supports him. And you can’t do nothin’ without a neck. Are you supporting your husband emotionally and domestically, with visions for your life and plans for the future?

Here are four ways you can hold up or support your husband: Presence. Sometimes just being physically present can be enough for a man to feel truly supported. Encouragement. A text message, a word of affirmation, a note in his lunchbox can really spark

confidence in your husband. Wisdom. You can bring a perspective to a situation that’s different than his but can potentially provide support and even solutions for him. Prayer. This is my go-to because God made Michael and God knows Michael way more than I do. There are certain things that I will never be able to help with, but God can.

The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

We often advise dating couples to read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages.

In fact, every person needs three things that a spouse can’t provide: identity, purpose, and acceptance.

Before you’re a wife, husband, mommy, daddy, business owner, graduate, daughter, son, or athlete, you had an identity. God says you’re called, loved, significant, forgiven, His masterpiece, and His child. Identity can be given only by God. The Bible says that before you were formed in your mother’s womb, God knew you.

We believe that purpose is revealed, but purpose is revealed only by the Creator. You don’t go to a car mechanic to figure out how your cell phone works. You go to the creator of that product to find the purpose for the creation. In the same way, a relationship cannot give you purpose.

It can be a part of pu...

Ephesians 4:29 says: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs” (NIV).

Hear this statement: Your words are either building up the person you want to be married to or they are tearing down the person you have to be married to. (Don’t feel bad

You want to disagree in a way that strengthens your unity without leaving scars.

When you don’t speak your expectation from the beginning, you are setting up yourself and your spouse to fail.

Maybe you feel like your husband or wife already knows what you want—but really, your spouse might not. Then, if you don’t voice what you want, it robs the person of the opportunity to actually meet your expectation or your need.

And if you speak out of your anger, it might make you feel better but it’s not going to resolve the issue.

It’s all about tone and word choice. Think before you speak.

Understand that men and women tend to have different needs. Something that is just a want for one partner might be a need for the other, and the other spouse had better try to meet it or a serious deficit is going to build up in the marriage. Make the effort to learn what works best in communication with the partner you married. Convey your love in a way that will be received. Build up; don’t tear down. Arguments are going to happen, but the more you can do to prevent unnecessary arguments or to bring arguments to a productive conclusion, the less damage your fighting is going to do. If you’re gonna win in marriage, you need these major keys. Make it a top

Now He’s going to give you the power too. He’s going to help you find relationships that will honor Him at the same time they give you more satisfaction and greater fulfillment.

Jesus. And let me tell you a secret: He wants your relationships to work more than you do.

So, as you take aim, remember it’s about progression, not perfection. You will make mistakes. You will make poor relational choices. You will even at times sin. But thank God for Jesus, because where sin abounds, grace abounds much more (Romans 5:20,